December 13th, 2010

A Caroling We Will Go: A Training Journal (pt. 2)

We’ve got ourselves only twelve days until Christmas is here. We know that you got all your shopping done on Black Friday, so that means the only thing left to prepare for is cooking the goose and singing the carols. The only way you’re going to be able to sing Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire correctly and in tune is if you listen to our training methods. Trust me- don’t worry, none of them include roasting any nuts on an open fire… We’re not sadists.

Day 12
Ran out of the herbal tea I use to warm up the ole chords. Home brewing a concoction from the leaves in the box under the seat of Uncle Jedediah’s GMC Sierra perhaps wasn’t the most prudent idea, but singing with these hallucinations has really stepped my game up.

Day 11
Began knitting my own Christmas sweater, complete with dancing polar bears and a penguin smoking a pipe. Mom just figured it was par for the course until I unveiled the matching, flesh-colored sweater pants. That’s what really wowed her I think.

Day 10
The gallon challenge is even sweeter with eggnog topped with Whipped Lightning. On top of a dinner of cocktail shrimp and red velvet cake, well…let’s just say that some stains just won’t come out.

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Day 9
Abandoned oboe lessons in favor of the dulcimer tones of my trusty old recorder from fifth grade. My music teacher, Mrs. Walker, said I would never amount to anything. She also said to put my shirt back, quit standing on my desk and to take my Adderall. Who’s laughing now?!

Day 8
Taped fifteen hours of Don’t Forget the Lyrics and plan to watch every. beautiful. minute. That Wayne Brady is quite the character…. and such a nice boy.

Day 7
Still have not heard back from Santa regarding my inquisition as to which list my name fell upon this year. This will affect my entire performance. Good list? Bing Crosby and Silver Bells all around. Bad list? Pantomimed representations of the deep sorrow and woeful, black emptiness the holiday season brings about when you realize that you didn’t get the new COD.

Day 6
The manufacturer’s guidelines don’t mention anything about how long a CamelBak will keep boiling-hot wassel warm. However, judging from the burns on my back, it seems to be holding up just fine. Looks like I’m ready to get my carol on.

— Tea Jones

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