May 8th, 2011

A Very Last Minute Mother’s Day

Remember when people said “it’s the thought that counts” when you were gifting as a child? Yeah, that only works with Moms. That’s why she still has those handmade cards you made by tracing your hand or gluing macaroni (and eating paste) that she went crazy over in a box collecting dust. I can’t tell you on good authority that girlfriends don’t appreciate Macaroni art in the same way, especially when you use different noodles to represent various parts of the anatomy.

Things aren’t so much different now. Honestly at 30-something you can still probably hand over a finger-painted masterpiece to raucous applause. We’re not telling you to do that, we’re just saying it’s an option. There might be a few more options down below, but Paul is still leaning toward a dyed-macaroni necklace and snowflake earrings cut from construction paper for his mom. What a sweetheart.

What’s the point of brunch without wiener dog races?
Weiner Dogs are menacing little creatures that keep me from sleeping. I can show you the scars where my aunt and uncle’s dogs, Precious and Bella, in unison, attacked my jugular vein. I barely got to the hospital in time. Luckily, the Wiener dogs at Sam Houston Racepark will look cute and adorable from the comfort of your grandstand seat, and Moms’ love cute and adorable. That’s why they want you to have grandkids. Just don’t combine grandkids and wiener dogs. Speaking from experience, it’s an ugly spectacle.

Well ain’t this just adorable
We at The Loop Scoop are an equal opportunity employer, but not everyone believes in gender equality. Some people believe that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, like the folks at the Kitchen Incubator. As a strictly for the ladies offering, they are providing a cooking lesson and High Tea. You’ll get a hands on lesson in cutting the crust of your bread and putting cucumbers in between the bread. Even the most clueless of culinary wizards will be able to impress mother with their kitchen aptitude. Afterwards, they’ll treat both you and moms to a traditional English High Tea. Unfortunately, no dudes are allowed, so guys, either don a wig and high heels or take your munchie craving ass to Taco Bell after your “high” tea.

Picnic Time!
Regale her with the wonderful culinary talents she managed to impart to you (or run to Specs for a good spread) and put together a picnic in the park. A blanket, some sandwiches and a bottle of wine and mom will be forever grateful. You get out of spending boucoup bucks and waiting for a table while the previous nights libations run screaming around your head and she gets to be proud of her progeny, at last. Whether you hit up a neighborhood park, Memorial, the waterwall or the Cullen Sculpture Garden you’ll definitely give mom a day to remember.

Boating on the Bayou!
Was mom always screaming at you to turn off the tv and go outside to play? Return the favor and take her out to the Buffalo Bayou. If you really want to spend some quality time, try a tandem kayak. Mom will enjoy being close to her baby and Dad will enjoy the alone time. Besides, if she keeps pestering you about when you’re finally going to get married, you can “accidentally” capsize the boat. I bet she won’t ask that question again… of course, she probably would never speak to you again, so that might not be such a good idea. What is a good idea is paddling the bayou, working up an appetite and then taking her to a late lunch and beat the outrageous Mother’s Day crowds. You can find rentals here but be warned, Saturday and Sunday rentals are on a first come first served basis, so you might want to bring mom a cup a joe when you wake her up.

— The Loop Scoop

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