June 3rd, 2011
Lately in the mornings I’ve been watching the TODAY show as I drink coffee and morph from comatose to a person who can maybe kinda sorta function. A few days ago, I was still in the comatose stage when a commercial came on advertising the big nightly news story – Are your golf clubs counterfeit? Later, as I was coming to, throwing on my work clothes and questioning what I did before hair powder, that commercial popped in my mind. And so did Cal.
Note: Cal isn’t his real name. Cal is short for Callaway as in golf stuff. Ba-dum-bum.
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— Dater Unknown
May 20th, 2011
A few months ago I joined the Cool Kids Club and finally purchased my very first Smart Phone. My previous phone, referred to fondly as the Model T, was laid to rest after the duct tape came off the battery cover one too many times.
With my old phone it took 10 minutes to write a text any longer than “ok”. And now, I use about 17 minutes and send about 1209741927 texts.
We all love texting. It’s fast, efficient, and doesn’t require actually talking. But in the world of dating, is that a good thing? Me thinks not so much.
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— Dater Unknown
May 6th, 2011
We all have freak flags, my affectionate term for the things that make each of us our wonderfully perfect selves. The process of revealing them, unfolding our flag so others can see it, is an exercise of trust and one that may be helped with distilled spirits.
This unfolding process is especially difficult in dating.
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— Dater Unknown
April 8th, 2011
Doozer. In a word, that’s how this week started out. You know, one of those times when life is simply doing her thing, having her way, making your heart heavy and your motivation light. And let me tell you. When life is having her way with you, there is no lonelier place than inside the grey walls of a cube at work. Mute grey fabric does little to lift spirits or provide perspective.
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— Dater Unknown
March 25th, 2011
To: Loopsters
From: Dater Unknown
Date: Monday, March 21
Subject: Baby Bandaid
You guys,
So this past weekend I was perusing the newspaper of record. No, not the New York Times, silly. I think it was US Weekly or People. Anyway, there was a headline betwixt the pages of stars photographed being just like Real People and an interview with a Kardashian (riveting) that explained how ol’ Brad and Emily of The Bachelor are rocky – but are thinking of having a baby.
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— Dater Unknown
March 11th, 2011
On Monday evening I watched the last 30 minutes of The Bachelor’s “Women Tell All.” When good ol’ Chris signed off, I knew two truths:
1. I HAVE to watch the Final Rose Ceremony.
2. These relationships are as real as Emily’s hair color.
Now, listen. I know some may say: “But what about Trista and Ryan!” or “But they met each other’s families!” or “But they are in love!” And yes, you may be correct.
But hear me out.
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— Dater Unknown
February 25th, 2011
A few months ago I responded to a comment that I was going to write a ladies’ version of the “Photos to Avoid if You Wanna Make Out” and to stay tuned. I was looking forward to providing you with enlightening guidance, but then two realizations happened:
1. Before Looking at Photos: I’m a girl’s girl. I like us. So I was feeling very “kumbaya-write-me-in-3rd-period-LYLAS” and frankly felt like I was talking trash.
2. While Looking at Photos: A dude should be writing this. I am way too “oh, she seems so sweet!” and “I wonder where she gets her hair cut” to be writing this objectively.
YET. I’m your (self-proclaimed) sensei of online dating picture guidance, so I wanted to give you something more than “Umm, we’re perfect.” Here are some thoughts I had:
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— Dater Unknown
February 12th, 2011
As I write this, I’m sitting tucked into the corner of an empty gate at the Phoenix airport. It’s midnight and I’ve had the same work clothes on for 17 hours and counting. I ate crackers for dinner. I’m about to board a red-eye flight across the country for a meeting that starts in seven hours.
And I couldn’t be happier.
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— Dater Unknown
January 28th, 2011
The first date after a break-up is the palette cleanser of dating. This date does to your mind what sorbet between courses does to your taste buds – it announces, “We’re moving on, folks. Get on the train because the previous course is finished. But here’s a fun treat so you don’t just stare at the table cloth.”
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— Dater Unknown
January 14th, 2011
Mid-January is inherently a bit of a beating. The holiday hangover still lingers, your pants are tighter, it’s cold, and college football is over (not that Houston had much to root for in the way of college football anyhow). What we are given, however, is a clean slate. The mere possibility that comes with a brand-spanking new year is the thing that makes me refrain from locking myself in a bathroom stall and not coming out until March.
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— Dater Unknown
