December 20th, 2010
We’ve got ourselves only five days until Christmas is here. We know that you got all your shopping done on Black Friday, so that means the only thing left to prepare for is cooking the goose and singing the carols. The only way you’re going to be able to sing Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire correctly and in tune is if you listen to our training methods. Trust me- don’t worry, none of them include roasting any nuts on an open fire… We’re not sadists.
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— Tea Jones
December 13th, 2010
We’ve got ourselves only twelve days until Christmas is here. We know that you got all your shopping done on Black Friday, so that means the only thing left to prepare for is cooking the goose and singing the carols. The only way you’re going to be able to sing Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire correctly and in tune is if you listen to our training methods. Trust me- don’t worry, none of them include roasting any nuts on an open fire… We’re not sadists.
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— Tea Jones
December 6th, 2010
We’ve got ourselves only nineteen days until Christmas is here. We know that you got all your shopping done on Black Friday, so that means the only thing left to prepare for is cooking the goose and singing the carols. The only way you’re going to be able to sing Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire correctly and in tune is if you listen to our training methods. Trust me- don’t worry, none of them include roasting any nuts on an open fire… We’re not sadists.
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— Tea Jones
November 22nd, 2010
There are but 85 hours remaining until the first stores open on Black Friday. Yes, that deserves all caps. It’s gotten its own holiday already. We put in some hard work last week to get an edge for the ballistic day of buying. We’re going to share that with you, but you’re on your own for the last few days. Good luck.
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— The Loop Scoop
November 15th, 2010
Let’s just go ahead and assume that Paul was able to quit smoking last week. Because there is no photo/video evidence to support otherwise, it’s all circumstantial and would be rendered moot in a court of law. We will not hear otherwise. To supplant our training journals, we turn our attention to two weeks from now and Black Friday. Will you be prepared? We will help you.
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— The Loop Scoop
November 8th, 2010
When people ask me “how many cigarettes have you smoked today,” and my response is “too many” that’s where the conversation should end. How disappointed in me do you really want to be? Scoffing won’t help matters. Kicking me in the shins will do nothing to take back the tar already coating my lungs. Just give me a break, hand me a stick of gum and move on with your lives. Trying to hold me to my pledge to quit smoking? I guffaw in your general direction.
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— Paul
November 1st, 2010
I’m trying to cut things down in increments of five. Now if that’s the correct way to go about this, I have no idea. A doctor did tell me that was what method my madness should take, so I’m following her advice. Amazingly, I mostly met that goal (unless I have managed to lie to myself each day, which happens to be quite likely).
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— Paul
October 25th, 2010
I’m trying to cut things down in increments of five. Now if that’s the correct way to go about this, I have no idea. A doctor did tell me that was what method my madness should take, so I’m following her advice. Amazingly, I mostly met that goal (unless I have managed to lie to myself each day, which happens to be quite likely).
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— Paul
October 18th, 2010
Everyone knows how hard it is to quit smoking. Even as a non-smoker, you see enough propaganda each day to remind you. Then again, none of you seem to understand what a pain it is. You un-empathetic suckers. “Oh, it should be easy. Just don’t buy any. Just stop. You’re such a baby. YOU WEAK, PATHETIC, EXCUSE FOR A MAN!!!” At least that’s what it sounds like it my head. Weak? Maybe. Pathetic? Probably. Excuse for a man? I’ll give you something to smoke, suckah.
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— Paul
September 27th, 2010
To our loving mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, comrades, goldfish, harem and groupies, Spartan Race-Houston approacheth. On October 3rd, 2010, weep not for us, for we shall be ready with steely reserve to stare down and conquer the myriad of obstacles that await. We’re going to give you, our dear Loopsters, a precious glimpse into the regimen of a true warrior. Leading up to the event in Navasota, we’ll publish our Spartan Race Training Journal each Monday. You’ll agree that our methods cannot fail.
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— The Loop Scoop
