May 5th, 2011

Cinco de Mayo: A Loopster “How to” Guide for 2011

It’s the year of the rat! No, this isn’t Chinese New Year. Kiss me, I’m Irish. What? St. Pat’s Day has passed? Defense of the Motherland Day! We’re not in Russia. I give up. What day is it?

Is it the day a vastly out-numbered and poorly trained Mexican Army fought off the invading French forces in Puebla? Ding. Ding. Ding. Tell ‘em what they’ve won, Paul. They’ve won this fabulous guide of where to go and what not to say, tonight during Cinco de Mayo! Why that’s a Cumpleaños on top of a Quinceañera. Gifts abound! Had enough Spanglish? So have we. On to the main course.

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El Patio (Club No Minor)
I really would like to know the history behind Club No Minor. I’m well aware of its origins, for I was once a minor drinking blue margaritas at the El Patio on Westheimer staring at the sign. Knowing when the management of the restaurant came to embrace the underground name of their club would let me sleep tonight. It’s kind of like when indie darlings Arcade Fire shock the masses of Gaga-minem fans and then all of a sudden start calling them their own. “What the f*cks a Arcade Fire… oh, that’s catchy… me likey.” Aside aside, El Patio will always be a place to celebrate the meaning of Cinco de Mayo: Drinking (Right? Wrong, incidentally.). Go back to your roots tonight. By the way, your roots are blue margaritas just as they are mine and don’t you forget it.

La Fiesta
A Memorial-ite hideaway known only to the locals of those parts off I-10 and Bunker Hill. Even if you make it that far you still have to find it. It’s hiding. Because it’s that awesome that it doesn’t need to be all out in the open like “here I am people come eat here!” Due to this, it won’t be overflowing with douchebags. The food is good and cheap (as is the beer) and the strawberry margaritas are actually made with REAL strawberries. Seriously. I wouldn’t lie about things of such importance.

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El Tiempo
With three locations, on Washington, Montrose, and Richmond there’s bound to be one either slightly closer to you or slightly farther away. Distance at that point is peso / potato, right? It’s not as cheap as say, Gringo’s, which was booted from an earlier rendition of this list for using McCormick’s All-In-One Mexican Spice—but it won’t burn you at both ends, mouth and pockets. The margaritas are a smooth punch in the head, while the fajitas are somewhere in the category of most well seasoned meats not prepared in Marc’s kitchen. They’ve got no official May 5th celebration, in any case, arrive early. Tacky is never far behind.

Mango’s Cafe
Have you ever been sitting at a Mexican restaurant with a vegetarian and heard them ask “were these beans made with animal fat” right after they’re three heaping forkfulls in? I have. Sweet irony, but irony that you won’t have to worry about at Mango’s. Your favorite leaf-lover is welcome at Mango’s any time, but especially tonight. Mango’s will even be playing you into the night with special guests Second Lovers, Richie Roc, Gnome Chomsky, Espantapajaros and Conflickto.

Do713 Anniversary Party
Wait, this doesn’t belong on the list. Right? Wrong! Do713 have been pulling their weight in event gold for the last year and it’s high time to celebrate. You’ll be able to find the party at the El Dorado Ballroom (2310 Elgin, 77004) with Houston band, Glasnost as the opener and Auto Body pulling the headlining duties. Don’t be mistaken though, the real headliner is Do713. Raise your glass of your choice of Agave spirit in their honor. They’ll have a couple of food trucks on reserve as well. No word yet if Zilla Street Eats will alter their menu to fit in with the theme the rest of the city will be celebrating. Tickets are going to be $10 at the door if you haven’t gotten one yet.

While We Have Your Attention
Let’s talk about some phrases that are better left under your sombrero, Loopsters. It’s time to retire “Cinco de Drinko” and “Drinko de Mayo.” Keep it classy out there.

— The Loop Scoop

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