March 31st, 2011
Final Four Field Guide: Butler University
With all the fans coming into town this weekend for the Final Four, we realized that we needed to do what we could to help them out. Using some brash generalizations and stereotypes we’ve decided on a few places we could send the fans of Kentucky, Butler, Virgina Commonwealth and UConn. You’re welcome.
All you need to know: Just like the Kool-Aid Man, Butler is once again busting down the walls of the tournament to the delight of all the kiddos. The Bulldogs may not be as prone to property damage, but we still wouldn’t drink from that pitcher; the infamous Jim Jones is a distinguished alumnus, receiving an honorary, post-mortem doctorate in crazy.
Where we’d send their fans in Houston:
Change the World
A liberal arts college in the Midwest? You must have an appreciation for rebellion. Most obviously, we have to point you in the direction of Monica Pope and t’afia her restaurant for locavores. If that’s not liberally rebellious enough, how about when she opened a place called Beaver’s. If that’s not the awesomely hilarious action of a gay woman throwing it back in the face of “the man,” I don’t know what is.
Don’t Drink the Kool-Aid
As we mentioned before, using our award-winning journalism we discerned that Jim Jones is/was an infamous alumnus of Butler University. We’re not asking you to try the Kool-Aid, but we are going to tell you about some tasty punch. You’re going to want to try Natachee’s Supper ‘n Punch, Bulldog fans. Don’t worry, the only additions to these sweet concoctions are tequila, rum, grenadine or brandy. Specifically, try the Natachee’s Sucker Punch because that’s what you did to many of our brackets.
The Lord’s Work(ing a Different Angle)
Way back in the day, you guys went with the pious mascot, “Christians” , but after a few too many beatdowns, you shucked the papal yoke and went with the “Bulldogs”. Now you guys dispense pent-up righteousness on the creme de la creme of college basketball. Just like you guys, Mark’s has a holy history, and now it serves and stuffs those with the finest pedigree. Paying the price to eat there isn’t half the price you’ve paid to get to where you are in the tourney, so belly up!
Young Game Changers
Normally we enjoy young, brash talent such as your head coach, Brad Stevens. We’re a little upset that the last two years he’s ruined our chance for inter-office stardom as the winner of the bracket challenge, but we’re willing to look the other way for now. That’s partly because we’re used to the up-and-comers wreaking havoc with the scene around town. Take Bobby Huegel, for instance, with his Anvil Bar & Refuge. He’s certainly shaken things up a bit for the bars and pubs in Houston since crashing into the scene (that’s almost a DWI joke… don’t drink and drive, Bulldogs). Perhaps you’ll enjoy Anvil’s game-changing cocktails. You might even be able to convince them to name a cocktail “Buzzer Beater,” you know, just like that almost win you had over Duke last year. Too soon?