November 17th, 2011

Listomania: College GameDay Signs

Saturday is historic. For the first time College GameDay will be visiting the University of Houston campus. The town is atwitter. The bandwagon is getting full. With a few rabid Cougar fans on our staff (and no SMU grads) we’re buying into the craze and creating a few signs to take with us to the broadcast.

Back in the day (2009), a couple of us used to write for a sports blog called Fourth and Fifty. It was there that we were introduced to “Chad the Douchebag Coog.” We’ve enlisted his help to show us how the whole GameDay signage should work.

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Marry Me, Erin Andrews
Let’s get this one out of the way. It’s inevitable. It’s necessary. It’s… a genuine question. What say you, Erin? We need to know.

Corso Gets Cougar Head
Get your mind out of the gutter. We’re talking about when he picks the game winner via mascot headgear.

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UH = The BCS “Shocker”
Houston’s gang hand sign is an inch away from being the shocker. Ha ha ha *cough*. That’s so funny… Anyway, it does lend itself to a number of different signs that will get past security during College Game Day. This one seems pertinent given that if UH wins the rest of their games, the BCS will have to place us in one of four, highly-touted bowls.

UH: Because Texas Needs Good Football
Texas, Baylor, A&M, SMU, Tech, UTEP, Rice… Nobody seems to be holding up their end of the bargain this year but Keenum’s squad.

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SMU Pops Collars; Houston Pops Caps
Welcome to the Third Ward, College GameDay. We hope you brought kevlar.

The Joneses Can’t Keep Up with UH
June Jones, you and your Hawai’i-born offense can eat a bag of fossilized crap.

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Keenum > Tebow(ing)
Unless you troll the sports blogosphere you might not get this one. Just a couple weeks ago, the ESPN comments exploded with a number of “_______ > Tebow” meme that the censors couldn’t keep up with. This sign is both relevant because of the records that Case Keenum has broken this year and funny if you’re a sportsophile.

Quit Whining About the Death Penalty
You were on top of the world and even laid claim to a national championship of sorts in the eighties, and it took you 20-something years to become remotely relevant again after losing a couple of seasons? Sorry, but that one’s on you guys.

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pHony express
No more Eric Dickerson. No more Craig James. Let’s get over this whole “Pony Express” thing that you think is cool and retro. It didn’t get you anything but the Death Penalty anyway. Speaking of Craig James, has someone asked him if his son came out of the closet yet?

PENIS
Draw a crude phallus. Write it out. Use it in a sentence; preferably an insulting one. Swing for the fences and check two sign themes off in one like this aspiring gent. You know it’s going to make it on air some how, some way. You can be that guy. Extra special bonus points if you’re a girl.

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Kevin Sumlin: One Bad Mutha…
Watch your mouth.

Herbie, You Have Any 5000yd Seasons?
Nope. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

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ESPN Acronym
Always necessary, just please keep it appropriate:
Even – SMU fans – aren’t Predicting – a wiN; Elegant – SMU – Pea – Nuts… We’re not really sure why this one is so difficult for us.

Doak Walker Hated Christmas
Doak Walker was one of SMU’s, nay- all of college football’s golden boys. A philanhtropic vision of work-horse, American integrity. But you know what else? He absolutely hated Christmas. You heard it here first, folks.

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Welcome to the Glue Factory
Because that’s where horses meet their maker (of adhesives). Get it? The only difference on Saturday is that there will be nothing humane about how the Cougars destroy the Mustangs. All the fake cramping in the world isn’t going to save June Jones’ crew.

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— The Loop Scoop

Comments

Wanker — Thursday, November 17, 2011 5:43 pm

The _____> Tebow must be made. MUST.

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