November 18th, 2011

Listomania: Houston Celebrity Spokesperson for College GameDay

We figured a follow-up to our previous Listomania: College GameDay Signs was in order. Because it was so helpful to the fans, it came to our attention that the producers of the show are in need of a little guidance. Have no fear. The Loop Scoop is here to save the day.

No offense meant toward Carl Lewis, but is he really the guy we want sitting in with the College GameDay crew representing the University of Houston with some college football picks? He’s an American hero. He’s an Olympic legend. He’s an icon of track and field. But the last time we let him near a sport that requires a ball… Well, he did this:

So, we’re putting out a call for… maybe… another person to sit in as UH’s celebrity next to Corso, Herbie and the crew. Because when they ask Lewis, “Who do you like in the SMU vs. Houston?” we don’t want him saying “the Mustangs… uhoh, I’ll make up for it now…”

The Entire Phi Slamma Jamma Crew
Clyde Drexler. Hakeem Olajuwan. Michael Young. These are all names that are still relevant today. Not only that, but with UH’s impending move to the Big East (which should be announced… any… day… now…) the basketball program may return to prominence. We can usher in the new era with the old. Just don’t let Clyde into Hofheinz. He might try to take over as coach again. None of us want that.

Courteney Cox
The star of Cougar Town. That should do. Right? She had a small role in Adam Sandler’s remake of The Longest Yard. She has plenty of football acumen.

ZZ Top
Get the Sharp Dressed Men behind the podium. At the very least they’ll intimidate Kirk Herbstreit with his inability to produce facial hair. That might unnerve the pretty boy a few minutes so we can make a move on Erin Andrews.

Randy Quaid
There’s a minority faction out there that’s trying to convince the powers that be to fly in Randy from Canada and subsequently bail him out of jail so that he can represent Houston on national television. Sure, we might get a dissertation about how aliens live among us and feed on our brain waves or how there’s an illuminatti-type organization that is trying to kill off any celebrity. Let’s be honest, that would be wildly entertaining.

Star Jones
Let’s get litigious in this mutha… Jones has a Juris Doctor degree from the esteemed University of Houston Law Center. John O’Quinn is rolling over in his grave right now.

Paul Wall
Let the man sell some grills, for God’s sake. It’s been trying times for all of us, not least of which those that convince people to get some bling fo’ they mouf.

Dana Dimel
The man that coached the Cougars to a tragic 0-11 season exactly ten years ago. Can you imagine him making college football kicks for the university that he nearly killed off? I can guarantee you one thing as a person who sat through that win-less year: Dimel will most definitely call a running back draw while sitting on stage. He did it every time in 2001 when faced with an important decision.

Master P
Before No Limit Records, Master P (Percy Robert Miller) was doing suicides on the court in Hofheinz. That’s right, he played basketball for the Cougars. Maybe his son Romeo could even join in on the action.

Andre Ware
Can’t he, for just one Saturday, take himself away from whatever college football game he’s supposed to be working? It’s the least he could do to celebrate UH’s semi-relevance for the first time since he won the Heisman Trophy.

Willie Beamen
The quarterback that propelled the Sharks to the championship has not been forgotten by his peers. He found his way under the wing of Coach Al Pacino via the University of Houston. We haven’t seen him in the national spotlight in a while. Sure, the ocassional rerun of the highlight reel makes it onto FX, but that’s not enough. It’s time to celebrate excellence once again.

Jim Parsons
Actually, forget I mentioned this one.

James Franco
He’s not a Cougar… yet. In our opinion, there’s no better way to get Franco ingratiated with the student body than to throw him in front of the cameras on Saturday. Just make sure we get a handler for him that will be able to keep him away from the ganja for the afternoon.

Bill Yeoman
The man was a revolutionary figure in college football as the head coach of the Cougars. His offensive scheme was unstoppable. Houston was the first prominent Texas school to offer a scholarship to an African American student when he was coach. The Coogs were a four-time winner of the SWC under his reign. In fact, Yeoman is still involved with the university at the ripe age of 84. Somebody get his manager on the line so he and Corso can swap old coach stories.

— Paul


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