September 30th, 2011
NEWScoop: A Fourth Rate Storm, McFatterson, John Matrix, a Fall Taste, and a Fire Truck Fire
Houston Settles for Fourth Rate Storm
Some Houstonians were hopeful for a hurricane. Others a tropical storm. Even less would settle for a depression. Maybe the weather is pissed that we didn’t budge from glorious number 9 between last year’s and this year’s Fattest Cities List. I don’t know what it expects, we’re big, it’s hard to move. Visit KHOU for more on this story.
And in related news…
McFatterson Frequents Houston, Prefers Dallas and El Paso
It’s no surprise that we’re on the list, again. I could do without the yearly updates. We’ve got the best food. You tell me you don’t add a fried egg and a cup a’ mayonnaise to the burger when it’s an option. Why don’t you report when we’ve broken free of the top 20. Until then, it’s business as usual. I’ll assume it’s Houstonians taking up more than their share of seats on the airplane. Visit ABC13 for more on this story.
John Matrix Out of Retirement, Wants Ransom
Twenty-six years ago Matrix sought to rescue his daughter when an exiled dictator kidnapped her. He came out of retirement reluctantly when her captors demanded a hefty sum. For whatever reason, he’s resurfaced. Now, he’s demanding money on the Katy Freeway. How the tables have turned. Visit ABC13 for more on this story.
Fire Truck Fire
The ripples in time find us again, my friend. If it’s not a car wrecking itself in the middle of an auto parts store, it’s a fire truck spontaneously combusting. And if that’s not enough, that very scene nearly caused another scene when a drunk driver almost crashed on his way to a bar. The odds are astronomical. Visit ABC13 for more on this story.