November 17th, 2011

NEWScoop: A Pack of Lies, a Neti Pot, a D.D., an Odysseus, and a Smell

Phil Collins Prophesied Your Business Plan
For all those reading that find themselves unemployed, there’s hope. Think of it as being a double agent of sorts—you like danger. Or using resources that are just plain devoid of integrity. There is a site that offers fake references, phone numbers, job sites—essentially anything you need to fool a prospective employer into hiring your inexperienced ass. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

I-10 Needs a Neti Pot
The Texas Transportation Institute is now playing doctor. We know I-10 is congested. It’s just a cold. You keep your diagnoses to yourself. Speaking of highways we love to hate, “I-45 Houston” shirts may be purchased, here. Visit KHOU for more.

Designated Driver Needs Booster Seat
Call a cab? Hell no! There are able-bodied children among us. Toss them the keys. Strap books to their feet so they can reach the pedals. Drink, Drive, Go to Jail? You can’t have it your way all the time, coppers. Make up your mind. The Loop Scoop has a designated driver we call each time we want to tie one on ”It’s fun to do bad things…” But this is a GOOD thing, seven year old car stealer! Visit TheChron for more.

Coast Guard Picks Up Odysseus off the Coast of Galveston
After the Battle of Troy, Odysseus was thought to be lost at sea. Homer’s creative license or more truthfully, loony bin fantasy, conjured up some nonsense of him returning and battling suiters, saving the dizzy, and reuniting with his beloved Penelope. As of this past Tuesday, November 15, the truth is known. Visit ABC13 for more.

Silent But Deadly
That’s precisely what workers at a Texas City BP plant claimed as they asked for medical attention. They’ll probably want time off too. Why they are just now making their concerns known, is uncertain. As anyone that has ever been to Texas City will agree—it stinks, all the time. If this plan works, look for city-wide productivity to drop off faster than UH fandom after this Saturday’s loss to SMU. Visit ABC13 for more.

— The Loop Scoop

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