February 29th, 2012

NEWScoop: A&M Joins Present, HOA be Hatin’ ‘Roos, Pastor Asks Parker, Bats Spread Flu and Blue Pen Performs Miracle

Congratulations, Texas A&M—You’ve Joined the Present
News has come that A&M’s first female yell leader candidate has made the runoff in this year’s voting. This, along with the hiring of former University of Houston Coach, Kevin Sumlin on December 10th, marks another stride into the 21st century. Whoop?  Visit TheChron for more.

I Wanna Be Like Mike
A local kangaroo is under attack, as an HOA association cracks down on his presence in a Spring neighborhood. “I don’t see what the big deal is,” the marsupial states [probably]. “I’m just an ordinary guy trying to do my job here.” The ACLU has yet to be reached for comment. But PETA is pissed. Visit TheChronBlog for more.

Dear Gayor Mayor Parker, Cease in Supporting Same-sex Marriage
Pastor Steve Riggle of Grace Community Church has kindly asked the mayor to conform to the Texas Constitution, claiming her support of same-sex marriage violates it. I can’t say if it does one way or the other. I’ll leave that the law makers. This is ridiculous. Right? Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

Nothing Spreads Like Fear
A bat, possibly containing a new form of flu virus, was caught in the cafeteria at a Fort Bend Elementary School. That’s it. It’s over, people. Six months, tops, and half the global population will be gone, finito, no mas. If you happen to have been one of the three dozen people who actually shelled out 15 bucks to see Contagion, you know what I’m talking about. “Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t touch anyone.” Visit Click2Houston for more.

Instant Gratification in a Miniature Blue Pen
One woman in Pearland has recently stumbled onto a pleasant side effect of her Type 2 Diabetes medication—weight loss. Other side effects may include: $600 less a month in your bank account, nausea, headaches, increased risk of thyroid cancer and no legitimate health solution. Visit KHOU for more.

— The Loop Scoop

Comments

Andrew — Wednesday, February 29, 2012 12:54 pm

Claiming someone else’s marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a doughnut because you’re on a diet.

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