October 3rd, 2011

NEWScoop: Amateur Man Enforces, Man Cons Machine, Announcers Yell Boobs, Hamstrings Strain, and Girls Fight

Amateur Enforces Power Restrictions
Don’t let this cool front fool you. With the Summer we’ve had, power stations and water resources have been exhausted to the point of government restrictions. One man in San Leon was fed up with his fellow citizens’ abuse of utilities. He did what any one of us would have done—rendered some power lines useless. Oh, and caused a small grass fire in the process. Just raising awareness. Visit KHOU for more on this story.

Man Cons Machine to Help in Abduction of Another Machine
John Doe used an unsuspecting forklift in a plot to abduct Adam the ATM for a sizable ransom. Forrest the Forklift was told it was a rescue operation. Doe played on Forrest’s charitable machine nature. The time came to perform the mission. Adam the ATM was lifted from his home. It was only after authorities arrived that Forrest realized he had been duped. Visit KHOU for more on this story.

Announcers Enjoy Yelling Boob Puns in the Name of Charity
This past weekend brought the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. The weather was fair. The crowds swelled in the thousands the entire morning. Team names like “Save Second Base” and “Big or Small Save Them All…” were the norm as people of all ages walked or ran in support of loved ones and friends. Announcers chuckled at the fact that nowhere else would they be able to utter such phrases as team after team crossed the finish line. Visit ABC13 for more on this story.

If I had a Nickel for Every One of Our Hamstring Injuries, I’d Have About 85 Cents
The Texans have another injury. I ain’t sayin’ what it is. One hint. It’s not very original as this season’s ailments go. I think anyone that’s ever been associated with the Texans has suffered one in the last month. That goes for the guy selling hotdogs too. On a brighter note, every black and gold towel present at Reliant found a home in its owner’s mouth. Visit MyFoxHouston for more on this story.

Girls Fight
A video camera located in a middle school girl’s restroom, caught… what? A video camera in a bathroom? Is that normal now? Rubbish. Anyway, it shows evidence of two girls trading blows. “I don’t care if you need guards in the bathroom.” Guards? Has the world gone mad? Visit KHOU for more on this story.

Richard / Paul

— The Loop Scoop


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