January 25th, 2012
NEWScoop: Bacon Cures, Vintage Burns, Violators Delight, Seal Team Six ______, a Student Pees and an Owner Exposes
Bacon: The Miracle Drug!
For those fellow bacon-lovers out there, science has blessed us with yet another reason to avoid tofu and turkey substitutes. Bacon is now a cure for nose bleeds. Just stick a couple strips up the ol’ schnoz. Add it to the miracle list. It cures hangovers. It improves baby memory. It removes splinters. It cures nasty infections. It provides awesome quotes. It covers wounds such as cuts and scrapes. You name me one thing it can’t do! Visit ABCNews for more.
Vintage is So Hot Right Now
The Houston club scene is notorious for quick booms and even quicker busts. Vintage took that to a whole new level early Wednesday morning. The Shepherd nightclub was so hot it set the roof on fire. No kidding. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.
No Rest for Seal Team Six
It’s a shame that the names of the operatives of Seal Team Six are classified as top secret because one (or all) of them needs to run for president. Fresh off of putting a cap in Osama’s ass, the unit’s latest mission was the extraction of two prisoners at a Somali pirate camp. Seriously, Tom Clancy and his video game company (that’s all he does, right?) better not ruin this for us with a first-person shooter. Reality is much more badass than fiction. Visit TheChron for more.
“Can I Use the Bathroom?” No! It’s “May I Use the Bathroom?”
Ah, it’s the age-old question for teachers. Correct the student’s grammar or avoid having them piss into a bottle in the middle of class. Yep, a 7th grader used a water bottle as a urinal in the middle of class after his teach denied him access to the lavatory. He’s now suspended. His parents are suing. We admire his problem-solving creativity. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.
Two Bartenders Asked for a Tip…
…A tip they wanted, their owner’s exposed tip they got. The federal government is stepping in after two BerryHill employees claim to have been sexually harassed by the establishment’s head honcho. The allegations claim that the owner “gropped” and exposed himself to the two bartenders. Makes you think twice about eating at a place where peen was recently in the open air. Visit KHOU for more.