December 22nd, 2011

NEWScoop: Bomb with a Bow, Evil by the Gallons, Civic Prejudice, Blue Hair with Black Belt, and NORAD Tracks Santa

Gift-Giving With a Bang
Usually during the Christmas season, we go out of our way to give to others. Some take the opportunity to ask the man upstairs (read: North Pole) for a few items on their wishlist. A man in Humble took to gift-giving with a twist by offering a bank teller a bomb adorned in Christmas wrapping paper. It was an extreme White Elephant party as he demanded a sack full of cash with a bow slapped on it in return. Visit KHOU for more on this story.

What’s The Price of a Gallon of Evil These Days?
It’s time to adjust our sliding scales of sin. A new record for punitive damages awarded in a court case was set, as $150 Billion was the number selected by the jury as recompense for the family of an 8 year old boy who was killed last year. This eclipses the previous punitive damage figure of $145 Billion against the U.S. tobacco industry ten years ago. Get out your calculators and do the math. Killing a kid is officially more evil than just being Phillip Morris. Adjust your behavior accordingly. Visit USAToday for more on this story.

Man’s Sense of Civic Pride Makes Everyone Else Look Bad
A Houston man looks to clear his conscience, as he intends to meet with Mayor Parker and pay a $1 traffic ticket he received back in 1953. The only question here is: why? Yeah, yeah, conscience and the right thing to do and settling debts to your city, etc. But aren’t parking tickets a bit like credit card bill overdue notices? You receive them in the mail, but they’re really just polite suggestions that you pay up. No rush, take 58 years and just get around to it eventually. Visit TheChron for more on this story.

Blue Hair With a Black Belt
Unless you’re implicitly invited to come in for whole milk and oatmeal cookies, you’d best keep your distance from any Grandmas you come across. These days, you never know which kindly old Mee-Maw may be hiding a background in Krav Maga. You could end up with a dislocated body part instead of a plate of sweets and a boring conversation about her life in the 50’s. Visit Click2Houston for more on this story.

NORAD in the Business of Tracking UFSs (Unidentified Flying Sleighs)
The Cold War is beginning to heat up. White Christmas is upon us, and as such NORAD will be on the look out for aerial threats this weekend. Santa’s big day won’t go unnoticed by the North American Aerospace Defense Command on Christmas Eve. They will be handling a bevy of status updates on Kris Kringle’s progress around the globe. Let’s just hope he doesn’t mistake Rudolph’s nose for that of a warhead. Visit for more.

— The Loop Scoop


No comments yet.

Add Your Comment