October 14th, 2011

NEWScoop: Dress-Up! Holly is Cold! Rats! Oh Deer! Oh Hell!

Man Plays Dress-Up, Looses Identity
Man impersonates race car driver, as we’ve all done. Man is accosted for excessive speed. Man claims to be a narcotics officer. Pats the whistle blower down. Man switches to cop in pursuit. Man is discovered by authorities. Man claims he was his brother. Dress-up don’t work in the past tense. Stupid. Man is captured. Man puts on eternal costume of criminal. Visit MyFoxHouston for more on this story.

Holly Only Likes You Because of Your Murders and Missing Women
That’s right Galveston, she’s using you. Perverse, I know. She’s been here, making this long distance relationship work as long as she needs it to. This companionship won’t last. I give you two a couple more months. Visit KHOU for more on this story.

Oh, Rats
Surveys have been taken recently to find out just how many Houstonians have persistent rodent problems. The results are surprising. The results are not surprising. List toppers are areas where buildings are slightly older and generally more densely populated. Visit KHOU for more on this story.

Oh, Deer, You Must be Thirsty
This drought has not just been unkind to our leaved friends of the plant species. Belie’ it or not, it’s been hard for the deer, the gator, the skink, really all wild life. They’re at a disadvantage in that they’re just not able to steal a bizillion gallons of water from somewhere else. They lack opposable thumbs. Visit MyFoxHouston for more on this story.

Woman Mistakenly Taken to Hell
A routine flight from central Texas took off for Houston and on its way encountered an event horizon, giving the crew and passengers a glimpse at that which only the wicked should see. Clearly it is pilot incompetence? One passenger claims PTSD and hopes to claim even more than that as she demands goblets of gold. Visit ABC13 for more on this story.

— Richard

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