March 2nd, 2012
NEWScoop: Gently Used Kidney for Sale, Puppy Stealing Punks, Thieving Stros Fan, Heavy Sin and Burglar Academy
SWF Seeking Organ for Romantic Walks, Extended Life Expectancy
Now, for a limited time only, you can be the proud owner of a gently used kidney. No rush, no fuss, no drugged tourists in bathtubs full of ice necessary. Just pop on craigslist and shop yourself some life saving transplant supplies. And don’t miss our two-day bone marrow special – buy the marrow, get a piece of pancreas free! Visit Click2Houston for more.
Punks Steal Puppy, Deserve a Good Loogie
Investigators in the recent theft of a puppy from a pet store adoption event fear that the thieves intend to use the puppy as a “bait dog.” We can safely assume this doesn’t mean they’re going to take ole’ blue with them down to the fishin’ hole. If you happen to spot these people, be sure to spit on them for me. How’s that for journalistic objectivity? Visit Click2Houston for more.
Suspect is a Huge Stros Fan, Shouldn’t be Hard to Find
The man responsible for assaulting women at bus stops is rumored to have an Astros Star tattooed on his head and a Virgin Mary on his forearm. Virgin Mary, I get that—even the wicked love religion—Michael Corleone. As for the other, you might as well have a bullseye. Visit ABC13 for more.
These Burdens of Sin are Effing Heavy
We’re officially putting out an APB for the thief who absconded with a Ford F-150 from the rodeo parking lot. The perpetrator of the crime will likely be seen carrying a computer, an iPad, some business files, a purse, an umbrella, and some tools. Suspect will be too burdened to be considered dangerous. Apprehend at will. Visit Click2Houston for more.
Burglary Suspect Breaks into Academy for the Hell of It
Not really. But after successfully scaling the roof, descending inside from the ceiling with a homemade grappling hook and then coming away with nothing—seems like a trial run for something bigger. Look out Fort Knox? No, after gathering his stolen items in the store, he only then realized he wouldn’t be able to get back up the rope to the roof. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.