March 1st, 2012

NEWScoop: Honorary Kiva Blast, No Jugs in Jail, Oh Brothel Where Art Thou, Monkee Business

Kivakamini Somakandarkram!!!!!!!!!
Above is my reaction at hearing of the passing of a lifelong friend, Kiva, the 16 year old giraffe at the Houston Zoo. Did you know that a giraffe has the same number of vertebrae in its neck as a human? Tis true. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

No Jugs in Jail
Inmates are seeking to improve the conditions of the Liberty County Jail. You know, cheer the place up a bit. Now what this place really needs is some nice Skinemax on the old tube. Some rockin’ T & A. That’s the ticket. A local judge respectfully disagrees. Visit Click2Houston for more.

Let’s All Pity the Murderess
As Susan Wright rots in jail for tying up her husband and stabbing him 193 times, she receives an email from the Dr. Phil show, implying that her children are dead (untrue). Way to go, Dr. Phil. Like this poor, put-upon angel needs any more stress, what with her TV debut coming up and all. Visit Click2Houston for more.

No More Courtyard Shags
Edna Chadwell, we hardly knew ye. But we all know of your infamous Le Grange Chicken Ranch Brothel and we’ll remember you as the gentle madam that you were. “It was the nicest little whorehouse you ever saw”… until Marvin Zindler had to go and ruin Lone Star prostitution. Visit Chron.com for more.

Clowns Never Laughed Before, Beanstalks Never Grew…
The world lost a legend yesterday when Davy Jones, famous member of the Beatles, passed away. What? Oh, not the Beatles? Who the hell are the Monkees? Well then why is this news? Visit Chron.com for more.

— The Loop Scoop

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