November 15th, 2011

NEWScoop: Jackass Explosion, Cacti Climb, Cockroaches on a Plane, Hands on Heinies and Grand Theft Taxi

Jackass Population on the Rise in Dallas
Dallas County Sheriff’s Office Deputy, Paul Stroud, is overwhelmed by the recent population boom of an already plentiful demographic. Two theories have arisen recently; the Mark Cuban habitation theory and the Two Athletic Teams Making Their Sports’ Finals theories. Both are plausible. Visit KHOU for more.

Climbing Cacti in Hot Desert, Nothing New for Hell Spawn Feline
Hikers in the Arizona were apparently confused when they came upon a domestic house cat (house cat=Santa Claus) perched atop a twenty foot cactus. “How will it get down?” “Poor thing was probably chased by a coyote.” Cats do as they please. Cats act precisely when they mean to. Don’t think your baby talk or good intentions have any sway, my friend. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

Seeing Cockroaches, Grounds for Suing in Flight
A couple flying from Charlotte to Houston apparently had a Snakes on the Mother F*#kin’ Plane experience in September. The infestation, while not part of an assassination attempt, nor consisting of snakes, but cockroaches, has been brought to the court’s attention, as the pair have filed a law suit. Visit TheChron for more.

Hands off the Heinies, Children
These crazy kids are at it again.  This time it’s a pre-weekend ritual of sexual harassment with a hearty blend of masochism.  What is the world coming to?  This is clearly the fault of the ‘Twilight’ franchise.  I don’t know how, exactly.  I’ll just look for any excuse to blame teenage stupidity on ‘Twilight.’ Visit Click2Houston for more.

Lay off the Dreamcast
Arrive at your destination and realize you’re short on cab fare?  No biggie.  Just steal the taxi.  If video games have taught us anything, it’s that there are no real consequences for recklessly driving commercial vehicles.  Drift-jump combo?  Bonus points! Visit Click2Houston for more.

— The Loop Scoop


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