January 6th, 2012

NEWScoop: Kardashian Barbie, Blaine Battery, Building Boom, Mattress Mayhem and Horse Diddling

Kardashian Barbie Comes with Mini Video Camera for Sex Tape
Well, at least it should. The Barbie brand has been under fire for being out of touch with a realistic portrayal of the woman figure and the Karadshians are out of touch with reality altogether. In that way, the fact that the Sisters K will have Barbie dolls shouldn’t be a surprise whatsoever. Hopefully the product comes pre-packaged with a annulment “how to” manual. Visit Chron.com for more.

A David Blaine Battery
A SWAT standoff in La Porte ended after officers finally broke into the house in search of an alleged domestic abuser. The only problem? The suspect was nowhere to be found. He pulled a Houdini on the badged men. Hopefully for him he can keep up the disappearing act. Authorities know his identity and are on the hunt. Visit KHOU for more.

Houston Skyline: Here Comes the Boom
The Houston med center’s sky will have a few more sightlines come Sunday morning. The former Prudential Life Insurance Building (1100 Holcombe Blvd.) will meet its demise via implosion. The 18-story building has been standing for 60 years, but in a matter of minutes it will crumble to the ground. Should be a sight to see. Visit KHOU or Swamplot for more.

Thieves Searching for Princess or Pea… Maybe Neither
AA Mattress is out $35,000 dollars after some burglars burglared them on Christmas Eve. Not only did the thieves abscond with 35 mattresses from the store, they took one of the delivery trucks to get away with the booty. That’s pretty resourceful if you ask me. The word on the street is that the masked men work for a Danish prince desperately searching for a woman of royal blood to wed. Hans Christian Andersen come to life in Houston. Visit MyFoxHouston for more. (Embarrassing personal note: I once “starred” as the Prince in a grade school production of “Once Upon a Mattress“)

Damn it, Texas! Horse-F*cking Gives Us a Bad Name!
For those of you that feel the call of the wild (or even the call of the domesticated or barnyard), please keep it in your pants. Please. The less hores-f*ckers we have in Texas, the better our overall reputation. Plus, the folks up in Kentucky are getting jealous that we’re getting our equine-love on with ease. Visit Chron.com for more.

— Paul


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