February 8th, 2012

NEWScoop: Late Nite Fires, Rice for the Heart, Diploma Mills Need Substitute, Punxsutawney Pig and Roosevelt Rage

Late Nite Pie was a Fiery Mess of Mediocrity, but I Will Miss It
It was just another night for the early morning pizza makers. The majority of the crowd shows up at about 2 or 3 in the AM. There’s a lot of confusion; half hysteric patrons and residents of the surrounding area questioning how and why they’ve arrived at this juncture in life. “What’s happening?” A fire might be getting out of control, but you remind yourself that you THINK you’ve seen stranger things; never mind that tonight and all nights preceding came accompanied with an assault of Cape Cods at Little Wood’s. Visit KHOU for more.

Rice, Good for the Heart
Sometimes society just needs to can the nay-saying and accusations of publicity stuntage. Yeah, offering a player with a (football) career-ending heart condition a scholarship got a little press, but it’s damn well deserved. To the Owl’s chagrin, games are measured in wins and losses, x’s and o’s. However, matters of the heart aren’t as easily dissected. We just know that David Bailiff and Co. have good ones. Visit KHOU for more.

Diploma Mill Owners are Required a Visit from Tom Berenger
Granted we’re not talking about assaults. These “diploma mills” are private schools; where you’re unlikely to see fighting. According to the report, some of these “owners” though, are quite content working in lawlessness or simply not working at all. Cue, Tom Berenger. He’ll teach staff and student alike. It’s guaran-damn-teed he knows the difference between man and mongrel. Visit KHOU for more.

Punxsutawney Pig
Forget that punk-ass ground squirrel, runnin’ from his shadow and all that. The Houston Zoo conducted its own Groundhog Day, and Remley the babirusa says that winter’s over. And that’s that. When faced with the options of a treat-filled snowman or a summertime picnic, the Asian pig opted for the healthy meal, thus kicking this disgusting winter weather in the teeth. No running from his shadow like a total sissy. Bill Murray was unavailable for comment as of press time. Visit KHOU for more.

Roosevelt Rouses Rage
Some Dynamo players were out to enjoy the town when out of nowhere, things wen’t south. Cries of prejudice and assault of an officer overtook happier conversations and the imbibing of libations. Warren Creavalle and Tyler Deric were both arrested that night and charged with separate offenses. Visit KHOU for more.

— The Loop Scoop


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