February 14th, 2012

NEWScoop: Love is Hate, Love is a Train, Love is Ovulating, Love is Occupado and Love is Money

Houston Hates Everybody (in the Sports World)
On this day of love it is in everyone’s best interests to focus on hate… specifically when it comes to the Wild World of Sports. Sure, Bud Adams needs to lead off the list. But my question to you is why is Kermit Washington never remembered as truly reviled in Houston. He nearly decapitated Rudy T. back in the day. Visit Chron.com for more.

MOVIES COME TO LIFE! UNSTOPPABLE (coming to a train track near you)
“We have a missile the size of the Williams Tower heading straight for Houston!” Actually, things aren’t that drastic, but a train did sever a tractor trailer in two today. Luckily, nobody was hurt in the incident. Denzel saves the day again! Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

The Formula for Love? A Bottle of Ether and a Strong Grip.
Naaaaah! Just kidding, detectives! The true formula for love apparently revolves around a female’s ovulation cycle. Screw striking while the iron’s hot. You’ve got to pounce when the juices are flowing. Or something like that. You’ve got to jump in when to ovuls are lating. Whatever. I failed anatomy in college (and ever since). Visit KHOU.com for more.

Tranquility Park Finally Touting “Vacancy” Sign, Rates by the Hour
The 99% are 100% done with sleeping in Tranquility Park. They’re moving on to greener pastures. Occupying parks is sooooooo 2011. Judging by the 130 back-to-back days of continuous protesting, it looks like our roughshod pals probably need to occupy a shower for a while before getting back to business. Visit Click2Houston for more.

Mo’ Money Less Congestion
Finally, capitalism wins again! HOV lanes are so HOT right now. HOT standing for High Occupancy Tollway, obviously. People with a little extra moolah in their pockets might be using it to get home quicker. Fees will increase/decrease throughout the day. Score one for the 1%… Not that they aren’t commuting in helicopters anyway. Visit ABC13 for more.

— Paul


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