January 23rd, 2012

NEWScoop: Major Stabbage, Tree Plantings, Car Dementia, Joe Pa(ssed) and Rivers of Blood

Taking a Stab at Freedom
In stab-related news, 18-year-old Jose Lopez celebrated his release from jail with a good-old fashioned stabbing/taxi-jacking. Assuming Lopez hadn’t had time to stop by the knife store before the incident, is it safe to say it was among his effects handed back over to him after his penal hiatus? Maybe Swiss Army should put a bail bondsman’s number next to the tiny saw and the toothpick, and taxi drivers shouldn’t bitch about taking debit cards, but this was very un-Danny Ocean, Mr. Lopez. Visit KHOU for more.

Or there’s this:

Or… Passenger Stabs Cab Driver in Machismo Display of Animatronicness
We’ve all been there. We’re out at night with something to prove and we inevitably piss off an android. Proposition of a test is brought forward. This very story unfolds as a cabbie runs his mouth to his robotic passenger. Let’s just say, this synthetic being was a touch less evolved than our man, Bishop. Visit KHOU for more.

Arbor Day Army
At this year’s 26th Annual Arbor Day Tree Planting Event, the focus was replacing the 10,000 some-odd trees eradicated by savage drought conditions. Not really in tune with Arbor Day? Well how about air quality, traffic noise, erosion control and wildlife habitat? Those Memorial Park pines aren’t just there to look pretty folks, so grab a shovel. If a bunch of school kids can shake off their hangovers to put in a little elbow grease on the weekends, so can we. Visit KHOU for more.


Has the Weiner Mobile Incident of 2009 Taught Us Nothing?
The growing concern of cars becoming confused as to where they are has never been more relevant than in the last 96 hours. On two separate occasions, cars with no previous symptoms of dementia have shown up to random establishments and violently forced entry after apparently mistaking the property for their home. Visit KHOU or Click2Houston for more.

Joe Pa(ssed)
How does this relate to Houston or Texas anyway? UH played Penn State in theTicketCity Bowl. That’s one. Coach Joe Paterno was an icon in sports for nearly half century. His passing bears mention regardless of location or the horrendous circumstances that overshadowed the end of his long career. That’s two. Visit KHOU for more.

Disposal of Pig Corpses is of “Grave Concern”
A meat packing company near Dallas is accused of dumping the remains of dead swine along Cedar Creek. Have you thought of turning that waste into wealth? Make black pudding. Sell that hot commodity to the vampiric generation. If you still insist on disposing of blood in such a creative way—put on an elaborate production of Moses and the Ten Commandments. You’ve got one special effect covered. Visit KHOU for more.

— The Loop Scoop


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