March 29th, 2012

NEWScoop: Martin Needs Work, Cowboys are the Worst, Tree Strikes Back, Problem SOLVED and Political Futures

Martin Lawrence Needs Work
Artistic integrity went out the window a long time ago, but Martin Lawrence has hit a new low. He’s taking his characters off the big screen and into Houston banks, robbing them at note-point. Big Mama was last seen driving away in a car with paper plates. The FBI can thank me later for my detective work. Visit Chron.com for more.

The Environment Strikes Back
Trimming tree limbs seems innocent enough until they strike back. This is a menace that must be stopped. It all started with Captain Planet and has evolved into this. Visit Click2Houston for more.

Good Work, Citizens. Another Big Problem SOLVED!
The Buffalo Wild Wings on Washington was causing way too much noise for people living in the area. Not the restaurant, but the early morning deliveries. Well, thank goodness for our intrepid Houstonians. They complained and now they suffer from no more sleepless nights. Now I can finally go to sleep with this atrocity solved. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

Cowboys Fans are the WORST
If you needed more proof that fans of the Dallas Cowboys were the lowest of the low, look no further than death row. A convicted sex offender and baby killer was given a lethal injection yesterday. His last words included “Go Cowboys!” before the drug took hold. Visit Chron.com for more.

Political Odds, Make Your Bets Now
I’m placing my money on the 50:1 shot that The Loop Scoop as a collective will be elected as Emperor of the Universe in 2023. Oh, it’s gonna happen. Better get used to it now. Visit YourHoustonNews for more.

— Paul

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