November 30th, 2011

NEWScoop: Pant Cuffs and Hand Cuffs, Horsemeat Ribeye, Don’t Dump the Money, Presidential Putz and We Break for Faces

Pant Cuffs and Hand Cuffs
The imperfect crime: (1) Steal pants by the hundreds from multiple stores, (2) Find a buyer in one half of Outkast (3) Allow yourself to be videotaped, (4) Put casual kleptomaniacs to shame. Visit TheChron for more.

If You’re Not First… You’re Eaten
Finally, the age-old debate of the most humane way to end an injured horse’s life comes to an end: If you guessed “human consumption” you’re the first out of the starting gate. Congress has lifted the ban on horse meat meaning if precious Barbaro could have held on a little longer, he could have had a true last supper… during which his owners could have scarfed him down. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

Littering and… Littering and…
That’s no way to make the best of counterfeit Benjamins? You’re supposed to use them to buy the drugs, not toss them out with the used drug paraphernalia. Unless of course Wilford Brimley is running a complicated, black market counterfeiting and insulin ring out of Houston. I knew that ’stache was hiding someone up to no good. Visit ABC13 for more.

Pres Putz
Using a fake handle to call out your boss in your company’s (A&M’s) forums. Not surprising. Admitting your position within the company, when your position is only held by you (as opposed to one accountant of many). You’re a third molar among premolars, my friend. Hit the sharpening stone before you make your defense. Visit TheChron for more.

Sometimes You Have to Break Some Windows to Break Some Faces
Road rage comes in many shapes and sizes, but when it comes to the window-face-combo… that’s a rare feat. A Houston woman became the victim of alleged road rage. We don’t give points for assault in general, but wow. There’s “road rage” and there’s “this glass ain’t gonna stop my punch to your face rage.” Visit KHOU.com for more.

— Richard

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