September 2nd, 2011
NEWScoop: Pretty Burning Bushels Lack Moisture Because It’s Being Bottled
I’m Too Pretty to Write Headlines
Retailer JC Penny will no longer sell tees that glorify a tween’s right to hide behind the classic “but I’m a girl” excuse. Little Sally is still free to pursue her dream of an MRS degree, but she’ll now need to shop elsewhere for cotton-blend, colorfully printed proof of her intentions. Visit MyFoxHouston for more on this story.
Burning Bushel of Twigs Blazes, No Voice Heard
Thursday night, a bird’s nest perched within a church sign caught fire. Firefighters arrived on the scene in time to put it out. No one was injured. No divine mandate was given. Visit MyFoxHouston for more on this story.
Major Moisture Misses Me and You
The much needed rain we’ve been hearing about for the past week will most likely be moving too far east. KHOU has this under Local News. It’s not. The article is about New Orleans. It’s an awful tease to have the headline “Gulf braces for rain from tropical depression,” when we shan’t be getting any of it. Visit KHOU for more on this story.
Texans Take Goose Egg from Veruca Salt
The Texans had thus far passed all obstacles in Willy Wanca’s Chocolate NFL Preseason. They waltzed over the Jets’ chocolate extraction pipe. They avoided a blueberry fate in the face of the Saints. They withstood the San Fran’s Fizzy Lifting Drink. Minnesota, however, with all of their gold (braids, stache, eggs) were too much. The Texans will do the right thing in the end and return what isn’t theirs. Visit ABC13 for more.
Don’t Get Bent Out of Shape
Houston has the world’s strongest man, pound for pound #truestory. Just when you thought Houston couldn’t have any more incredible things, we’ve got the Son of Krypton in our backyard. Rest of the world, don’t be down. We still have traffic, mosquitoes and sports teams to make up for our strengths. Visit KHOU for more on this story.
Humidity Finally Pays Off, Bumps Out Blimps
Water, water everywhere… But only in the air. Can’t see it. Can feel it. Might be able to drink it… Or so says Swamplot. Hitchcock may be the new site for a plant that will pick the humidity right out of the air and bottle it for your consumption. Like a giant butterfly net for drinking water, or so I’m told. The company will be taking over the Navy’s blimp base which hasn’t been cool since Snoopy started piloting them. Visit SwampLot for more on this story.