August 25th, 2011

NEWScoop: Rolling Thunder and Blackout, Law’s Enforced and Court’s in Sessions

The Heat Dome Rolls and the Lightning Strikes
Nine o’clock last evening
Not a drop insight
The city’s lookin’ like a hay field
On a rainless summer night
Leaves on the windshield
There a storm movin’ in?
Heat’s headin’ back from somewhere
That it never should’a been
And the heat dome rolls

And the lightnin’ strikes
‘Nother hundy day got old
On a rainless night
As the heat blows back on
Forecast took us for a fo’l
Leavin’ many a fiery lawn
The heat dome rolls

Visit ABC13 for more on this story.

EPCOT Urges Future World Conservation
EPCOT stands on the front lines of Houston’s fight against AC apocalypse and temporary eternal darkness. Follow these mandates to ensure maximum length of use for all electronic equipment:

- Turn off all unnecessary lights.
- When at home, make sure window plasma visors are set to “night.”
- When away from home, shut down main dilithium core.
- Do not use replicators or other home appliances between the peak hours of 1500 and 1900.
- Avoid using holodeck.

Visit ABC13 for more on this story.

Citizens on Patrol
With crime in West U up in recent months, the police academy has taken steps to prepare citizens for action—giving them, “a heightened sense of awareness.” Neither Sgt. Carey Mahoney nor Cpt. Thaddeus Harris could be reached for comment. Visit ABC13 for more on this story.

O Just But Severe Law!
New Lone Star legislation requires Texans to monitor pee-wee football players for head injuries, pack up picket signs prior to funerals, cut down on bar brawls, and keep crud out of Texas waterways. But it isn’t all restrictive; hunters are now free to hang out of helicopters to smite down pigs and coyotes. Visit ABC13 for more on this story.

Court in Session After Five Year Recess
The 1910 Harris County Courthouse opened its doors yesterday as remodeling had finally been completed. The city sought to undo a series of poor additions and renovations done starting back in the 1950’s—seems to be a common mistake in Houston’s architecture in general. Visit SwampLot for more on this story.

KerriRichard

— The Loop Scoop

Comments

R-Unit — Thursday, August 25, 2011 2:29 pm

I really like the direction yall have taken the NEWScoop section, great stuff. EPCOT Urges Future World Conservation, hilarious!

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