March 19th, 2012

NEWScoop: Sausage Surges, the Human Race Does Not Impress, a Garage Sale Bombs, DNA Outpaces and the FBI Tracks Blue Man for Wearing Blue

Sausage Surge Gets Dirty at Bikini Contest and Car Show
One does not simply have a car show and bikini gaze at a bar called FRANK-N-Stein’s on Saint Patrick’s Day and not experience trash throwing and fights. To expect anything less from that combustible crowd—it is folly. Visit KHOU for more.

Racism Undoubtedly Convinces Your Opponents
There is no better way to sway undecided voters and those of the opposition, that your candidate is the right guy for the job, than a little racial slur. Oh, and you can say “guy” this year, there aren’t any women running. If there were, you could get into sexism too. May ignorance be your Room of Requirement, jerk. Visit KHOU for more.

Kitscha-a-Boom
A pipe bomb was discovered at a garage sale in Wichita Falls. First off, who discovered it? How’d they know what it was? And why a garage sale? Who doesn’t like kitschy old stuff being bought by frugal kitschy old stuff loving citizens? Visit TheChron for more.

DNA: Does Not Abdicate
Thirty years or thirty days—it does not quit. It can free men from being wrongfully imprisoned and get those that perform evil, behind bars. Remember those jewel thieves that robbed the Zales in the Galleria the day before Christmas? Deoxyribonucleic acid’s on to ‘em. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

FBI Wants Your Help in Identifying Man Devoid of Green on Saint Patrick’s Day
He was last seen wearing a beige baseball cap, navy blue jacket, navy Polo shirt with white stripes, blue jean dungarees, dark shoes and sunglasses while conversing with a bank teller at a Fiesta in southwest Houston. Visit ABC13 for more.

— The Loop Scoop

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