December 12th, 2011

NEWScoop: Texans to Playoffs, RG3 Vicotry, Sumlin Flees, Dino Dental Plan, Refinery Explosion and Cock-Fighting

CongratuYATESions, Texans!
Resolved to become relevant in the postseason for the first time in ten years, the Houston Texans win and a Tennessee Titans loss on Sunday clinched the AFC South and a playoff birth. Led by their 5th round draft pick, rookie quarterback TJ Yates, the hometown team secured a victory with two seconds left on the clock. Things will never be the same. Visit Chron.com for more.

A Big Weekend for Former and Almost Houston Cougars
First, the rumor mill was in a frenzy over Coach Kevin Sumlin’s imminent move from Houston to College Station. Then, former Cougar commitment Robert Griffin III, who was pilfered from the program when the former-former coach, Art Briles high-tailed it to Waco, came out on top of the Heisman voting. All in all, it was a pretty good weekend for everyone but the Coogs. Visit KHOU.com for more (RG3 Heisman and Sumlin to Aggies).

Tooth Decay Not Among Leading Reasons of Dinosaurs’ Demise
A fossilized T. Rex tooth sold for $56K at an auction this weekend leading ten year-olds everywhere to realize that their dentists’ concerns are bunk. The tooth fairy better recognize that she’s low-balling them with those dollar notes she leaves under the pillow. The Loop Scoop recommends burying your teeth in the garden for approximately 70 million years for a true return on investment. Visit KHOU for more.

Pasadena Has Lights in the Heights Too
…but not the good kind. A refinery explosion in Pasadena sent two people to the hospital (both expected to recover) and a blaze into the late fall night. Residents are worried about chemicals being dispersed into the air after the blaze. There’s no telling what kind of effect they will have on Santa and his reindeer. Visit Click2Houston for more.

Cock Ring Leads to Fort Worth Arrests
Ooooooh, Cock Fighting ring… Got it. Maybe it’s just because I’ve been reading the Hunger Games trilogy lately, but the whole “fight to the death” thing doesn’t seem all that appealing to me. Leave our cocks alone, gamblers. They’re not to spar for your enjoyment. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

— Paul

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