January 31st, 2012

NEWScoop: Texas Boasts “C” in Education, See Dick (Run), What Would Liam Neeson Do, Cat Killer and Hair Is Cause for School’s Disruptions

Texas Gets a “C” and That Ain’t Not Bad
The science curriculum in Texas public schools was graded a “C” in a study by the national education foundation. The assessment claims that the low score is due to the curriculum’s treatment of the evolutionary theory, or the “monkey-fish-frog mutant theory”, as some standardized texts brand it. Low score? What low score? We’re up significantly from the “F” we were granted two years ago, so let’s hold our heads high, glare down California, and proclaim in triumphant unison, “Hey, at least we passed.” Visit the Chron.com for more.

See Dick. See Dick Run. See Dick Expose His D***.
Be advised perv: unless you’re in the throes of a hot-and-heavy session with a particular lady friend, or unless you happen to be a member of the La Bare A-squad, chances are that women have little to no interest in taking a gander at your junk. It’s there, we all know it. But until you’re implicitly asked to whip out proof positive, keep it in your pants, ‘k? Visit Click2Houston for more.

Liam Neeson Would Never Let this Happen
I just saw Taken again, and though the movies are rarely an indicator of reality, this story out of Houston is exactly opposite of what I think should happen. A mother is accused of literally pimping out her daughter in Pasadena apartment complexes. Parading her around, the matriarch would take cash and leave her child with the wolves. Disturbing. Ridiculous. Unfathomable. Liam Neeson needs to off this lady like he did all those Albanians. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

I’m No Cat Lover, But… Whaaaaaaat?!
A Houston man is currently under arrest for taking mewing matters into his own hands. No word on how he did it, but the cruel dude killed his cat with his bare hands. There will be no crying over spilled milk in his house anymore, but hopefully he won’t be going back to his house any time soon. Visit KHOU for more.

Student Suspended for Unnatural Hair Color, Naturally
Fresh off of the news that students at Memorial can’t wear yoga pants comes this even more ridiculous item that a Spring student is suspended from school because of her hair color. Because of its bright color, her hair has been deemed as “disruptive” by school officials. Look, I’m not one to judge, but I’m pretty sure that “disruptive hair” is the least of our education system’s problems. Visit Chron.com for more.

— The Loop Scoop

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