December 6th, 2011

NEWScoop: The Big Easty, TwitchHards, Prof. Hinkle Foiler, Pre-Teens is Pimps Too, and Reverse Racial Profiling

Going to the Big Easty
Who cares if the current regime can’t win a C-USA title in football. Those days are over. We can go ahead and prepare to not win a conference title in the Big East instead. There’s probably more honor in that anyway. Visit MyFoxHouston for more.

TwiHard = Twitch Hard
Reportedly, there have been cases of the birthing scene in the new movie Twilight: Vampires are Sexy as F*ck (approximation of title) causing fans to convulse in the theater. That’s right… The “O” face inspires a quick transition to the “Oh NO” face. The only way I can care about this news item is if we can get the Attorney General to step in and block the film from ever showing again. Visit KHOU for more.

Professor Hinkle Foils Early Christmas Miracle
Candy Cane Lane practically wet its collective Santa pants when little white flakes of magic fluttered down from the sky on Monday night. Alas, the mini blizzard was far too mini to coat the Atascocita community’s holiday display. The LED-drenched citizens are still hoping for a hefty dose of the white stuff before the Big Day, but there may not be enough Crosby-Kaye duets in the world to pull off that Christmas miracle.Visit Click2Houston for more.

Pre-Teens is Pimps Too
Jay-Z told us that gentlemen and ladies is both pimps. I suppose he did not designate a age limit for pimpness, because a fourth grader in North Carolina bucks the popular notion and raises his pimp chalice high. For those college students out there, afraid to test the waters in the professor dating pool (or even the TAs for that matter) learn your lesson right here. Visit for more.

White Man Alleges Racial Profiling (Finally)
Obviously the racial prejudice issues in this fine country have finally come to an end. Due in part to one hero in Houston, it has been shown that the shoe is on the other foot. White men are being arrested for no reason while driving through predominantly black neighborhoods. WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS HORROR! Well, at least one white man won’t… and said innocent patriarch of the fight for Caucasian rights is suing the city for $400K in “mental anguish” plus $12MM in “punitive damages.” Let’s hope he wins in this fight for justice… Visit Click2Houston for more. (For the record, yes, apparently this accuser is completely serious.)

— The Loop Scoop


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