November 8th, 2010

Quitting Smoking: A Training Journal (Week 3)

When people ask me “how many cigarettes have you smoked today,” and my response is “too many” that’s where the conversation should end. How disappointed in me do you really want to be? Scoffing won’t help matters. Kicking me in the shins will do nothing to take back the tar already coating my lungs. Just give me a break, hand me a stick of gum and move on with your lives. Trying to hold me to my pledge to quit smoking? I guffaw in your general direction.

Day 15 (Monday)
“Why do I have to have a stressful day that would be difficult to cope with if I was allowed to smoke on my first day of five cigarettes?” is the question that I ask Richard late in the day. So much for that. Anxiety, you win again, you devil.
Dalliance Count: 15

Day 16 (Tuesday)
Either I really like getting stressed out, or this just isn’t the right week to stop smoking so much. It’s probably a combination of both. “If I have an excuse to smoke, people won’t get on me for doing it.” Yeah, that’s perfectly logical. “But you made me push the red button that led to the nuclear apocalypse. It’s all because you called me fat.”
Dalliance Count: 12

Day 17 (Wednesday)
You can see a trend here, right? I’m not breaking 10 let alone five cigarettes a day. And it all looked so promising too… I haven’t even unwrapped a piece of gum. The mantra of “there’s always tomorrow” is more ingrained than I could have imagined.
Dalliance Count: 11


Day 18 (Thursday)
You see that photo above? That’s the best photograph I’ve ever taken. I gave it out as a Christmas present last year. THAT’S HOW MUCH I LOVE TO SMOKE! LAY OFF ME!!!
Dalliance Count: 8

Day 19 (Friday)
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have a temper. I don’t like dealing with peoples’ idiocy. My “ignoramus fuse” is shorter than average. That being said, if on this week you want to be an imbecile, do it in another vicinity. “Go smoke a freakin’ cigarette,” rears it’s head. The people are turning. They are finally pushing for me to smoke more. Success!
Dalliance Count: 7

Day 20 (Saturday)
Naps do wonders for quitting smoking. Perhaps I need to put myself in hibernation for a while to get this all out of my system. I’ll wake up a new man. A movie will be made. They will call it Forever Young. Simon Baker will play the lead. My character will age at an accelerated rate because he slept too long, but he’ll feel like he’s sub-30 years old. The climax of the film will have him remembering how much he (I) loved smoking and he’ll light one up. He will immediately collapse, dead. Then the love of his life will walk up, aged many years (because the hibernation goes on way too long, you see) and roll him into a sewer ditch, disgusted with the old, dead smoker. It starts to rain. Fin.
Dalliance Count: 12

Day 21 (Sunday)
Ok, here’s the thing. I went through a lot of cigarettes on my street art hunt on Sunday, but I didn’t smoke most of them. That’s the thing that happens when you toss your cigarette on the ground to make sure that smoke isn’t filling the frame and then you lose track of it in the deadened grass. You light up a fresh one and repeat. So, I’m going to halve the total missing from my pack due to this loophole. You will honor my math, damn it!
Dalliance Count: 8

— Paul


Cassi — Tuesday, November 9, 2010 6:48 am

Thought this was fitting.
‘There is nothing so depressing as good advice, and I will be pleased if you do not inflict it upon me.’

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