January 30th, 2012

Rants from the Rat-Race: OMG, People, this has got to S-T-O-P

Some formerly eloquent folks in my office have recently decided to add a new dimension to the annoyance I feel every day for corporate lingo. As if top secret codes like “YTD P&L” and “TPS reports ASAP” weren’t disturbing enough; we now seem to be suffering an outbreak of Text Talk.

I’ve come to expect a certain amount of discontent each morning when I pop open my email and find six inter-office messages peppered with clever little ciphers like “BTW” or “FYI.” I can handle it. I’ve got Google to help me decode the ones I don’t recognize and, failing that, I’ve got a pre-teen niece on 24-7 call for interpretation services. I may not be enamoured with all those abbreviations, but I’ve adjusted my meds accordingly and moved on.

But when one of the secretaries peeks into my office too early on Monday morning and tells me “GM,” I’m trapped in that public nudity nightmare of having absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. Did she get a new car over the weekend? Do I need to check my Gmail account? Eventually, I humble myself before her and ask, “GM?” She clarifies, “Good Morning.” Ah, good to know. This gal is clearly a paradigm of efficiency in her attempt to save valuable nano-seconds by skipping all those unnecessary syllables, while I am just a bit too unsophisticated to instinctively fill in her blanks.

If she returns at lunch and informs me she’ll “BRB” I might just be forced to CHDIAF. See? It’s maddening, isn’t it?

— Kerri


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