December 10th, 2010

Save the Date: Can I Have Your Number?

You know what question I can’t stand answering? The Number. As in, how many people have you… ahem… slept with? Is it absolutely necessary to navigate the trail of our sexual escapades if we are completely free of any STD’s? What is the right answer? Is there a right answer? Can I ask any more questions in this opening paragraph?

I’m old. Well, not really, but, according to my large Catholic family, it’s a travesty that I’m not married by now. Apparently, I was supposed to start popping out babies in my early 20s, since that was around the time that my family started harassing me about it. They ignore the fact that I have a great job, I write for the best blog in Houston, if not the world, and I’m quite happy being a successful, single woman. But I’m digressing…

At my age, I don’t want to have to teach a guy the basic principles of, shall we say, intimacy. How does one figure most of this stuff out? Yeah, experience. Now I’m not saying I would rather be with a guy who’s slept with half of Houston / his college / anything that moves, but at the same time I’m probably not going to be too thrilled if he still has his training wheels on. All of this comes down to the numbers game. Remember your first time? Don’t you dare say you were awesome because you’re a liar.

Even though I feel this way, I certainly don’t want to hear that exact number. At the same time, I really don’t feel comfortable sharing mine. So when I was recently asked this question, I panicked, stalled, and ended up estimating. Not that it would take me very long to figure it out, I did it mostly on principle. When I thought about it later my estimate was pretty close to the actual. Of course, he didn’t offer up his number (even though it was one of those I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours games.) I didn’t push the matter because I honestly didn’t want to know. Also, I’m pretty good at reading facial expressions.

Dating is hard enough before you find out that the man you like has slept with 72 people. That’s when crazy starts to show. Don’t deny you wouldn’t start wondering how he got that high, what kind of girls they are, if the smoothie chick at the gym is part of that number, etc. Honestly, I’d much rather know about the quality of women he’s been with. Does he have a penchant for strippers or prostitutes? Women who just “happen” to be fertile with three kids, all with different, well-off baby daddies?Spent time as a gigolo? Now this is the type of quality information I want.

I’m probably going to get slammed for this, but in my experience, the guys who have slept around are less likely to cheat. Scandalous, I know. And it does seem a bit contradictory, but think about it: Guys are genetically programmed to spread their seed. If they don’t, they are actually going against basic human nature, all the way back to Paleolithic times. This is how the human race has survived for so long. So if you are one of his very, very few there’s more of a chance he’ll want to experience more later on. You can’t fight genetics.

Or the other grass could possibly have a slightly greener hue mentality. The guys who have had their fun pretty much know what they are getting into and begin to revert back to a higher, more “intelligent” thought process. Besides, if they aren’t done spreading the love, they probably aren’t going to settle down in a relationship as quickly, either. As one of my married, male friends likes to put it: “I already have one woman I have to deal with, I’m too lazy to have to listen to another one”. Harsh, yes. But I’ll applaud this brand of laziness any day.

I vote we drop this question entirely. Is it really necessary? Has anyone ever based their decision to continue or dissolve a relationship based on a number? How many is too many, or too few? Are there any other questions I can ask?

— X


Sarah — Friday, December 10, 2010 8:30 pm

Love this. So funny, so true.

Marie — Sunday, December 12, 2010 4:35 pm

Great topic! I don’t want to know the number either. What was before me doesn’t matter and I’m not offering up my stats either….

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