May 27th, 2011

Save the Date: Know Your Men

Judging people is wrong. You can’t really know someone from a few conversations or events, which is especially true in dating. The only reason men and women work is a mutual feeling that is shared despite those weird things the other person does. It’s up to you to accept them or move on. But those first few conversations and dates are imperative. Men, I want to impart some valuable advice that may help. There is a fine line between being a cool guy that we want to hang out with and someone whose red flags are too much to overlook. We know you cannot be defined by one personality type, but here are a few that frankly scare the crap out of us.

Douche. You know who you are. Even if you don’t sport the Affliction, Tapout, or Ed Hardy wear, that doesn’t make you less of a douche. You’ve either read The Game, or you’ve picked up behavioral habits from the book from your other douche friends. Trust me. Negging only works on women with limited mental capacity or sense of self worth. If that’s what you want, hats off to you, but leave me alone. Don’t be offended if I call you a douche. You know what you did to be called such. I know it’s hard since the douches I know have extensive egotistical issues. Which leads to the…

Aloof Prick. This is the King of Ego. Women are not beneath you (insert lame douche response here). You think that being a complete asshole is attractive? Do you have a soul? Are you this way because you can’t carry on an intelligent conversation with a woman? Not every girl is falling all over herself to be with you. We are human, and you should be able to speak to us on that basic human to human level. Since you feel that I am not worth common courtesy, fine. I appreciate that more than the…

Smooth Talker. You’ll tell me anything you think I want to hear in order to avoid confrontation and trick me into thinking you’re a stand up guy. With this guy it’s always a fun time. He’s tough exterior mixed with a dazzling smile and light conversation. He’s dangerous because nothing is real. The really good ones are actually quite fascinating if you stay out of their web. Then there are the ones who completely fail…
Desperate Sniveling Freak. Every girl likes a compliment. If they deny this they are either lying or used to be a man. However, no girl can handle multiple sugar sweet text messages per day. It’s cute the first time. The three hundredth time makes us wonder. Yes I want you to tell me I look good, but for some reason the pet name Beautiful makes me cringe a little. There’s a certain sense of falseness that comes with some compliments. Or maybe I just think pet names are infantile.

So what do women want? Hell, even we don’t know, but I will tell you that the myth of us all wanting bad guys is just that. I don’t want an asshole. Show me a man with a backbone and a tender heart who knows how to respect a woman. Is that really so much to ask?

I’m pretty sure guys don’t exactly know what they want either. Some are always looking for the next best thing. Others are admittedly attracted to the unstable crazy girls (someone please explain this to me). It’s not about the list of qualities we think we need. It’s that little spark that makes people work. And when I see two people together that most would ask the question, “what’s she doing with him?” that’s when I know that amongst all of the douches, pricks, smooth talkers, and sniveling freaks, there’s a guy that got it right. At least for her.

— X


Marie — Friday, May 27, 2011 9:28 pm

I have inside information that implies guys like the crazies for entertainment purposes, kind of how I like the stupid ones, but don’t they know how it’s going to end?? I don’t think guys are as concerned about wasting time with the wrong girl as we (women) are with the wrong guy.

kjc — Monday, May 30, 2011 6:36 am

Amen. Most of these archetypes of men seem end up with
a) golddiggers (if there is any of said gold to dig)
b) declaring bankruptcy (your overpriced bedazzled t-shirt habit can’t last forever with an entry-level sales salary)
c) in therapy/12-step recovery/rehab

Cheers to the good men and proverbial ‘nice guys’ – that’s the kind I want to have as a manfriend and let in my pants :)

harold — Sunday, June 5, 2011 3:46 pm

Do you ever have any successes? I mean, other than the general message “dating sucks?”

(I take it the “hearts punching each other graphic” isnt accidental.)

Best of luck.

X — Sunday, June 5, 2011 5:30 pm

Harold, dating doesn’t suck, per se, but it is highly entertaining at times. I’ve had much success, but I doubt anyone wants to read a dating column that’s all sunshine and rainbows. This topic was an accumulation of some of the personality types my friends and I have experienced over the years. Though my next column is about some of the things that guys have ‘gotten right’. The graphic is the artist’s sense of humor I suppose. I wasn’t in charge of that decision. :) Thanks for your well wishes!

Add Your Comment