September 16th, 2011

Save the Date: Life Control

Of course men think some women are crazy. That’s because some of them are. Some men are douches. This is life. But justifying the crazy actions of women makes that particular man just as crazy. What do I mean? The story unfolds…

Jack (names have been changed to protect the clueless) is your average nice guy. Good job, good looking, the type of guy any woman would like to date. His only problem is his complete cluelessness when it comes to women. Jack is dating Jill. Jill is crazy. Jill has blamed said craziness on her birth control pill. Let’s stop here for a moment so I can explain to possibly other clueless men about birth control.

There are tons of different types of birth control methods besides the condom. Also common is the “pull out method”. People, this DOES NOT WORK. Ever. It’s like Fetal Russian Roulette. Ask my friend who is now father of TWINS due to said method. There are a million different pills: combo pills with more than one hormone, minipills with just progestin, and extended cycle (no more periods!). Besides the basic pill everyone knows about there is also the patch, the ring, a shot, IUDs, and an implant. All of these methods have varying hormones, time effectiveness (some last 5 years) and whatnots, so there is something out there that will work for just about any woman. And that’s probably more than you ever wanted to know about one of the biggest decisions in a dating woman’s contraception option.

Back to the story.

Jill stopped taking her birth control pill because it made her crazy. I’ve never experienced “crazy” due to a birth control method, but I’ll give her this. Fine, blame crazy on the pill. The thing that is most crazy is Jack. Jack is happy that Jill isn’t as crazy anymore. Key word here is as, which means she’s still crazy, and therefore why I personally think blaming her pill was a copout. So Jill, being the responsible adult that she is, stopped taking birth control instead of trying to find a less crazy option.

Here comes the twist to the story. Jack and Jill have been off and on again, mostly due to Jack’s wavering. Let’s see if you know where I’m going with this. Jill is afraid of losing Jack. Jill stops taking birth control…in the mind of a crazy girl, what better way to “trap” Jack than…BABY!

Poor, poor Jack. Jill might be less crazy, but it is completely insane (and horribly irresponsible and, well insane) to think that getting pregnant is going to keep that guy around. Baby doesn’t fix problems, just like marriage doesn’t fix problems. If he hasn’t married you, what makes someone think baby is a good idea?

Men, seriously. If a girl tells you she stopped taking her birth control my advice to you is RUN! Unless you want a kid. Sure, you could use a condom, but I personally have no faith in praying that some thin latex wrapper is going to keep the kiddos away. They break. When used “correctly” they are 98% effective. What the hell is “correctly”, anyway? Even birth control pills aren’t 100% effective, but they come in at around 99.7% effective. I’m a fan in that extra 1.7%. Now I didn’t get in to their new birth control plan, but I did make a few bets on how fast Jill will become pregnant. I’ve got $50 riding on the next 6 months…

— X


Mike — Tuesday, September 20, 2011 12:05 pm

I’m sticking with the theory that all girls are crazy.

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