March 18th, 2011

Save the Date: No Pity

A “fan” made a comment on my last post, exclaiming that I should just “pity fuck” the guy. Which got me thinking. First, the guy who made the comment is a complete tool. Second, seriously? No female I know has to stoop so low in order to get laid. We’re women, and can afford to be discerning. If we want sex, there’s an extremely high chance we can get it. In fact, to prove my point, I called a guy friend of mine and asked him to come over for some bed aerobics. He said he’d be at my place in 10 minutes. I felt bad that I had to tell him it was really a hypothetical question. And no, I didn’t pity fuck him, either.

After broaching the subject with an extremely intelligent male, his take was “I’ve always thought that a female engaging in such behavior was more or less an urban legend. Like Bigfoot or sustainable public healthcare.” You are correct, sir, and have forever secured your status as a non-douchebag. There is absolutely nothing that could convince me to sleep with a guy because he was short, desperate, or whatever reason is supposedly acceptable. There is no fantasy-land where a female would sleep with a guy just because she felt sorry for him. Sorry guys.

I’m not saying that one night stands aren’t fun. Or that there aren’t times when we sleep with a guy and deeply regret it later. But I do know that these are not conscious decisions before the act even happens and that we won’t sleep with a guy because of some tug on our heartstrings that makes us feel sorry for him. Nope. Even one night stands are for entirely selfish reasons that I will not divulge in order to maintain the hallowed female mystique.

If there really are guys out there who honestly feel like this is even a remote possibility, it begs a dive into their psyche. They must be the epitome of a male chauvinistic pig and feel that women exist on this planet solely to fulfill men’s basic needs. They probably treat women like crap, think chivalry is dead, and don’t have any sisters or other important women in their lives. I would not be surprised if they are apt to wear Ed Hardy t-shirts, jeans that barely cover their flat asses, and bum around the likes of Reign and Marfreless.

So, do men engage in this “pity fuck” behavior? Or is that just the excuse they tell their other douchebag friends as the reason they banged the homely chick? I can just hear the conversation now.

Tool #1: Dude. The ugly chick? What were you thinking?

Tool #2: Bro, I pity fucked her. She looked like she needed to get laid.

News flash, Tool #2. Even the unattractive chick just got laid without even trying. And you were her unsuspecting prey.

— X


Tim K — Friday, March 18, 2011 4:27 pm

Jesus, maybe you should post this in Chron blogs for women that hate men…….Blah, blah, blah.

BTW, I know women that do things because of guilt, pity, or other emotions. Those women are like everyone else, they are human.

X — Friday, March 18, 2011 4:44 pm

Tim. I love men, and can be categorized as the antithesis of a man hater. You can freely ask any of my exes. I’m just not going to bang men because I feel sorry for them. And I agree, women do many things because of guilt, pity, or other emotions. We are human. I’m just saying we are not apt to spread our legs because we feel sorry for a guy. We will, however, sleep with men for other, probably just as ridiculous, reasons. Please reference paragraph 3.

But kudos to you for apparently “standing up” for all the women you know who sleep with men solely out of pity. All women would be lucky to have a friend like you.

Tim K — Friday, March 18, 2011 4:59 pm

Your views are not realistic IMO. Real for you but not others.

Keep your crappy comments to yourself please. Not a very good practice if you are trying to increase readership of the site.

MB — Friday, March 18, 2011 5:14 pm

I’ll engage in conversation with a guy out of pity, go on a date, and as much as I hate to admit it – I’ve had the pity make-out session too. But, NEVER would I sleep with a guy out of pity or guilt. I don’t know any women that would either. We’ll do a lot of things out of pity and guilty, but not sex… I don’t think that makes any woman a man hater.

Guys have wingmen who “take one for the team”. But, is it because they feel sorry for the girl’s friend or are they just taking a shot at the chance of getting laid?

Bambi — Friday, March 18, 2011 5:51 pm

TIM k wears ed hardy and drives a hummer…
I look forward to these blogs. X is an intellectual and actually understands women, something you may need to start reading. This may help your dating life.

Tim K — Friday, March 18, 2011 6:04 pm

I have what she is longing for…….A family.

I like the blogs but the constant criticizing is too much at times and certainly not nice.

Be careful Bambi. I might run you over with my Hummer whilst wearing my Ed Hardy.

X — Friday, March 18, 2011 6:15 pm

Since it obviously needs to be explained, the whole point of these articles is to put a humorous spin on the dating world. To point out the ridiculous and make people laugh. I never threaten physical violence or personally insult people’s opinions (which everyone is allowed to have). Say what you want to me, I love my life and can take even misguided criticism, but leave other commenters alone. And thank you for sharing your thoughts. Everyone. Freedom of speech is one of the things I love about America. People can say, and read, what they choose. If you don’t like my commentary, you are not required to read it.

Tim K — Friday, March 18, 2011 7:17 pm

I guess you missed the humor in my original and last post considering you insulted me. Too funny at this point.

thumper — Saturday, March 19, 2011 7:41 pm

looks like x hit a chord with timmy k!

heeeeyyy — Friday, April 1, 2011 3:31 am

TIM K…. X is just being honest. Learn to handle it. Would you rather be lied to just so you can hear the answer you want straight from the horses mouth? I’m a pretty sociable guy and I’m friends with about as many girls as guys, and I just have to agree that pity sex from women to men does not exist.

I don’t know any guys either that pity fuck girls. They might have sex with girls they don’t find attractive, but it isn’t out of pity — it’s out of desperation.

Seriously. 97.5% of the people in the world are liars (give or take a few %’s). Start appreciating the people who are honest.

IRespectfullyDisagree — Saturday, July 14, 2012 9:40 am

Some women view their “gift” as being to “precious” to every give away for something so trivial as pity or compassion, and that’s fine with them. Other women integrate sex into the “normal” part of their lives and don’t make such a distinction.

I’m a guy, and in my lifetime I have once given and once received (and maybe other times that I didn’t know about) a pity fuck. In both cases it involved long-term female friends.

When I gave I would have much preferred to just take matters into my own hands instead of giving the pity fuck, but I felt it was something that I could give her. She was in her 40s and dying at the time. She lived far away. That would be the last time that I would ever see her, and she passed away about 3 months later. She had been friends with my wife and me 15 years earlier, and she would have loved to be in a relationship with me, but of course I was married. But even if I had been single I would not have chosen her for a relationship. Now I was divorced and she weighed 150 pounds more than she did 15 years ago. When I found out she was ill I went to see her. She told me she had fantasized about me for years and wanted to have sex with me just to make her future fantasies more real. She understood there would not be a relationship. I told her I would do that for her. I gave her a romantic weekend that included sex. I had to fantasize about someone else to get my hardware to work, but for all other aspects of the weekend my friendship was enough to cause me to want to do it.

I once received a pity fuck, although since pity fucks can be subclassified, I would more correctly call this one a consolation prize fuck. It’s way too long a story to tell now, but in a nutshell it involved the ex-wife of a friend of mine that I had known for many years. After their divorce she moved away for a few years, then moved back to the town where I live. My friend, her ex, suggested that I should go out with her. I called and asked her out and she agreed, but she let me know on the first date that she was only willing to go out as friends and that we could not have a relationship. I could accept that because she was “out of my dating league.” She was a beautiful woman with a great body (a 10) and a great personality (a 9), who was in a very high-paying professional field, and very very smart. I was very smart, and had a good job, but my looks (a 6) and my body (fat) were not in her league. We went out several times and I think both of us had a really good time, but she continued to make it clear that we could not have a relationship.

One night after going out we came back to my place and had sex. It was amazing for me. It was everything that I had imagined it would be and even more. Of course I thought that the restriction on having a relationship with her was lifted, but I was wrong. She didn’t stay the night that night but went home after the sex. The next day I sent her flowers and she called me to thank me for them but also to gently chide me for doing that, and to yet again remind me that we could not have a relationship.

Two weeks later she told me she was engaged. I had known that she dated other guys besides me, but I didn’t know how serious she was. I never went out with her after that on a “date,” but I did see her a few times for lunch. I asked her about why anything happened between us if she was about to get engaged to the other guy. Of course she was very diplomatic and kind in her answer. She told me that she had said all along that there would not be a relationship between us. She said that she just thought that it wouldn’t work out. She told me that she knew that she and the other guy would probably be getting engaged soon, but that she wasn’t actually expecting the proposal quite this soon. She said that hated to disappoint me about not having a relationship with her and that she felt that by having sex with me that she would be giving me what she could give me. She also told me that she ended up enjoying herself more than she expected to. She didn’t say it directly, but I got the feeling that if the guy hadn’t proposed to her so soon, that she might have had sex with me a few more times, but that once he proposed that cut off any possibility of any more sex with her. Of course that helped my ego because it left open in my mind the possibility that if he hadn’t proposed so soon maybe she and I would have had sex a few more times and maybe her feelings for me would have changed. I don’t think it’s likely, but it is possible.

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