March 18th, 2011
Save the Date: No Pity
A “fan” made a comment on my last post, exclaiming that I should just “pity fuck” the guy. Which got me thinking. First, the guy who made the comment is a complete tool. Second, seriously? No female I know has to stoop so low in order to get laid. We’re women, and can afford to be discerning. If we want sex, there’s an extremely high chance we can get it. In fact, to prove my point, I called a guy friend of mine and asked him to come over for some bed aerobics. He said he’d be at my place in 10 minutes. I felt bad that I had to tell him it was really a hypothetical question. And no, I didn’t pity fuck him, either.
After broaching the subject with an extremely intelligent male, his take was “I’ve always thought that a female engaging in such behavior was more or less an urban legend. Like Bigfoot or sustainable public healthcare.” You are correct, sir, and have forever secured your status as a non-douchebag. There is absolutely nothing that could convince me to sleep with a guy because he was short, desperate, or whatever reason is supposedly acceptable. There is no fantasy-land where a female would sleep with a guy just because she felt sorry for him. Sorry guys.
I’m not saying that one night stands aren’t fun. Or that there aren’t times when we sleep with a guy and deeply regret it later. But I do know that these are not conscious decisions before the act even happens and that we won’t sleep with a guy because of some tug on our heartstrings that makes us feel sorry for him. Nope. Even one night stands are for entirely selfish reasons that I will not divulge in order to maintain the hallowed female mystique.
If there really are guys out there who honestly feel like this is even a remote possibility, it begs a dive into their psyche. They must be the epitome of a male chauvinistic pig and feel that women exist on this planet solely to fulfill men’s basic needs. They probably treat women like crap, think chivalry is dead, and don’t have any sisters or other important women in their lives. I would not be surprised if they are apt to wear Ed Hardy t-shirts, jeans that barely cover their flat asses, and bum around the likes of Reign and Marfreless.
So, do men engage in this “pity fuck” behavior? Or is that just the excuse they tell their other douchebag friends as the reason they banged the homely chick? I can just hear the conversation now.
Tool #1: Dude. The ugly chick? What were you thinking?
Tool #2: Bro, I pity fucked her. She looked like she needed to get laid.
News flash, Tool #2. Even the unattractive chick just got laid without even trying. And you were her unsuspecting prey.