January 7th, 2011

Save the Date: Outside the Lines

No one is perfect. I, certainly, am not. But some of the lines I hear from guys makes me wonder if they put even the slightest bit of thought into the words that tumble from their mouths. Here are a few of my favorites:

1) You look like trouble.

Really? Really?! You’ve known me for exactly 20 seconds and I look like trouble?

You know, Philip Markoff looked like a normal, attractive guy. He turned out to be the Craigslist killer. Ted Bundy was also an attractive guy. We know what he did. Does this mean that all attractive guys are serial killers? Please. Most might be arrogant assholes, but not necessarily serial killers.

What can you really discern about someone just by looking at them? That they are trouble? Really? Why is that? Apparently, trouble to a certain fool meant I was a heartbreaker. Granted, I’m an attractive female who was blessed with the same measurements as the fabulous Dita Von Teese (no joke). But guess what. I am not as egotistical as you’d think. I still see the uber-shy, skinny, adolescent version of me with bottle cap glasses and braces when I look in the mirror. I honestly don’t see what all of the fuss is about. I’m also the LAST girl to be “trouble”. In fact, men complain about nice guys coming in last? Well, I can attest that the same goes for nice girls. Apparently I’m supposed to be a bitch, simply because of the way I look.

2) Hey, you seem normal.

What is normal exactly? You’ve known me for 20 minutes and you can already deduce that I’m not crazy? Well, fine, you’re right, but that was pure luck on your part. Most of the crazies are able to hide it for at least a few months. I think it’s a survival tactic. This comment was followed up by a monologue on all of the crazy girls he’s dated. My eyes glazed over and I nearly fell off the bar stool.

If you’re so entranced by the fact that I’m “normal,” there’s probably something wrong with you. If you’ve dated so many crazy girls, it might be because the so called “normal” girls won’t date you for some reason. Look in the mirror much? Either that or you’ve decided that all of your failed relationships have nothing to do with you, but rather they imploded simply because the girl was crazy. Which is exactly why I politely excused myself and found an exit.

3) Wanna come back to my place?

DOES THIS REALLY WORK ON ANYONE BUT HOOKERS?! That is exactly what I said to the guy because I was completely floored by the fact that I actually heard those words. In fact, I was speechless for a few seconds and I had to restrain myself from punching the guy in the face. It’s stupidity like this that makes me doubt that men actually respect women. Which is sad. Sadder was the fact that he answered my question with a laugh and a yes. Granted, the guy was a dead ringer for Chace Crawford, but still. COME ON WOMEN! Men can’t respect us if a bunch of rogue tramps with low self esteem actually fall for this crap. Stop ruining it for the rest of us.

I have to say I feel bad for guys. I’m pretty traditional when it comes to dating, so I have actually never approached a guy first. It has to be hard to do, not knowing if you’ll be rejected or not. Even when I hear something completely asinine, I try and smile and make up some little white lie as to why I need to quickly remove myself from the situation. Don’t get me started on the girls who completely humiliate men. Public emasculation is not the way to get these guys to fix their behavior. But with that said, I’m still looking for a guy who doesn’t suck. There are decent single guys out there, right?

— X


heeeeyyy — Friday, April 1, 2011 4:15 am

If I have one criticism of most women I know, it’s that they aren’t honest enough with the guys who approach them. If you don’t give the correct feedback, then men will never learn. They will continue to use the same openers, lines, and routines that allowed them to somehow get lucky with that one girl with low standards and bad eyesight.

With that said, I personally have to appreciate any woman who considers what it would be like to be in a man’s shoes. Being polite but being honest is the best way to be. That’s how I personally try to live anyway. People can’t reasonably be mad at you if you’re polite, and if you are honest, you’ll actually be doing them a favor. Of course, not everyone appreciates honesty… so I can understand doing whatever is necessary to get out of any situation that could potentially become terribly awkward or even dangerous.

It’s a good thing I read this blog, I’ll make sure to removes those openers from my usual pick up routines. That don’t really exist. Because human interactions are generally more fulfilling when they involve real, free-flowing, open dialogue and not scripted bullshit that some guy wrote about in a book.

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