July 1st, 2011

Save the Date: Plastic

The other night a friend of mine called and begged me to go to 88 Keys. She had a Groupon that was expiring and why not try a new place. Well, the two of us walking into the bar lowered the median age about 20 years. We looked at each other, shrugged, and laughed. Hey, free prosecco is still free prosecco, though our chances of returning are slim.

We sat at the bar and discussed important topics such as first dates, manicures, and show tunes. Pretty soon a swarthy old guy crept up next to my friend and took a seat. He was old enough to be our grandfather, on his third bar of the weeknight, and every other word was slurred. Classy. She’s a lot nicer than I am in these situations. I rolled my eyes and turned to watch the cute bartender behind the bar. She amused him by responding. I’m not quite sure of the details of the entire conversation, but at some point she mentioned she was married (as if the rock on her left hand wasn’t enough evidence).

Usually at the mention of marriage the guy takes the hint and excuses himself. Not this guy. His next comment was something about her not being happy. A very bold assumption. She corrected him, saying she was a newlywed and happily married. He told her to give it a year. Now, at this point I had to restrain myself from leaning over and telling him flat out she wasn’t going to sleep with him. The whole situation made me sick to my stomach. I know there are people out there that have no respect for the sanctity of marriage, but seeing it in real life is still difficult.

We finally shake the guy as a group walks in. A few obviously well off and attractive men walk in, followed by two girls. I’m normally not one to comment on females, but these two were quite a sight. I turned to my friend and asked her how heavy she thought those implants were. Completely rude on my part, but a fair question. While I’m not a fan of plastic surgery, to each their own. But there’s a difference between normal sized silicone and implants so large they are comedic. I can’t place my finger on it, but the collective appearance of the group was just…hilarious. Then I noticed one of the guys who was obviously with one of the women was wearing a ring. She was not. I’ve heard of men not wearing wedding rings, but I seriously doubt most females would pass up the opportunity to sport a diamond if she was married…or at least a gold band. Right?

I always say that dating is hard, but I can’t imagine the difficulties that come with marriage. If a guy hits on me at a bar he has no idea if I’m dating anyone at the moment. There’s no token of proof that someone is in a relationship. It’s completely up to my moral compass whether I’m a cheater or not. But if there is a ring on your left hand, in America, that usually means you are married. So for someone to see that and still hit on the married person shows how much they care about that commitment. This is a concept I have difficulty understanding, however I guess it’s more commonplace than I’d like to admit. I suppose that’s why there are sites like AshleyMadison.com. There wouldn’t be a business model for actions that don’t occur. There will always be cheaters, married or not. It’s a fact of life. As smart as most cheaters think they are, the chances of them getting caught are pretty high. Male or female.

I guess there’s really no profound point in this article. No revelation, advice, or humorous takeaway; completely pointless words that everyone already knows anyway. I guess I just wish that the whole cheating aspect of relationships wasn’t something that we had to deal with. Co-mingling with the opposite sex is already hard enough. I wish all cheaters would take the advice of a dear friend of mine who bluntly stated, “I already have to deal with one woman and the drama that comes along with that, why would I want to double the drama?” Right on, sir. Right on.

— X


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