January 21st, 2011

Save the Date: Rebounding with Grace

After leaving a “situation” with an emotionally unavailable man-boy, there’s nothing like a bit of rebound dating to get you back in the game. It’s a necessity. Sitting around sulking, wishing for the non-existent knight with the white horse, will only give off desperate vibes which men can smell from a mile away. Bitching to your girlfriends and making daily trips to your local Specs will only get you so far. One week maximum pity party, and then it’s time to get back in the game. And there are so many types of fine rebound men to choose from! Each one designed to boost different aspects of your currently fragile self-esteem. Stick to the five date rule and bounce around. Now is the time for fun, not to end up in another tragic relationship while you’re still licking your wounds from the previous.

The Old Dude: Not Hugh Hefner or old-enough-to-be-your-dad old (gross), but a good 10 years will normally work. He’s mature, probably won’t get blackout drunk on your date, and is completely infatuated with the fact that he landed a hot, young girl. He calls when he says he will, doesn’t have to be reminded of chivalry, and doesn’t maul you every chance he gets. He actually understands where the words gentleman and lady come from. Downside? What’s up with the chain restaurants? Also, you love all the adoration, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. And of course you’ll have to figure out what to say to his married-with-2.5-kids friends. He reminds you that there are guys out there who are respectful, but it’s time to move on…

The Rich Dude: It’s nice to step out of an S-Class at the valet at the hottest restaurant in town. Those designer shoes in your closet are getting more wear than you ever thought possible. You learn how cool the Black Card concierge service is, and a weekend getaway usually includes a first class ticket and five star hotel. It’s nice to be pampered. Downside? All that money doesn’t buy a personality, decent conversation or manners. Being arm candy gets old really fast, unless you are a certified gold digger with no desire to actually connect with another human being. Keep the gold necklace, dump the guy.

The Foreigner: He’s mysterious. His accent drives you crazy. But then again, his accent drives you crazy. Was that an insult or a compliment? Probably a compliment since his visa expires shortly. Let him drive you wild for a few dates, and then send him off to his next victim.

The Barely Legal Boy: He’s only been of legal drinking age a few years. He’s the Ashton to your Demi. McDonald’s may not be a first class date, but those marathon nights of, umm, stimulating conversation are worth it. Somehow gym time doesn’t seem to be as necessary right now. Those sleep-all-day, party-all-night weekends make you feel like a kid again. Until you have to go to work at 8 a.m. on Monday when his first class doesn’t start until noon. If you want to keep your job, this one can’t last too long.

Ahhh, fun times for all. Just try and date the Rich Dude in February if you buy into all of that Valentine’s Day crap. Trust me, this is valuable advice. 60% of the time, it works every time.

— X

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