December 19th, 2011
NEWScoop: Unpatriotic Texans, Formaldehyde, Double Pyrocumulus Clouds, Cart Impact, and Cock Fighting
McCarthyism and Disrespect in the NFL
A member of the Carolina Panthers, yes the same guys who beat the Texans yesterday 28-13, has accused, “what’s his name—Ryans? Demaro Ryans? What’s his name? DeMeco Ryans?” of not showing respect for the Stars and Stripes. Failing to hold one’s chest has been a hot topic before—think back to President Obama’s campaign in 2008. It didn’t matter then. It doesn’t matter now. There is no evidence of chuckling, horsing around, or anti-American epithets being spoken. Shockey and Ryans both stood at attention. Visit TheChron for more on this story.
A part of the emergency room at St. Joseph’s-Downtown had to be relocated after a half-gallon of formaldehyde (the stuff they keep dead pigs in before they are dissected by 8th graders nation-wide) was spilt in a nearby bio-hazard area. Two reports of respiratory problems and sore throats were reported by workers, and streets near the 1800 block of LaBranch at St. Joseph’s Parkway were temporarily blockaded as of press time. The army of mutant clones that escaped is still at large, and is to be considered both collectively sentient and highly agitated. Visit Click2Houston for more on this story.
Kim Jong Il’s Death, Thankfully Not Marked by Double Pyrocumulus Clouds
We usually cover the odd nature of Houston news, but this bares mention. Kim reportedly, did some amazing things. I guess that’s the life you’re forced to live when born under two rainbows and a bright star. All I can say is, based on North Korea’s pursuit of nuclear power, it’s good his death was not marked by another weather anomaly in the form of double Pyrocumulus Clouds. Know what I’m sayin’? Visit TheChron for more on this story.
Cart Hits You or You Hit Cart, Impact is Inevitable
Two years ago Houston Cougars receiver, Patrick Edwards ran through the end zone and into a cart. This past weekend Spring Dekaney coach, Willie Amendola and a handful of others were rundown by a cart. The message is clear. Carts are tired of playing fifth and sixth fiddle to the players, coaches, cheer leaders and band—especially the band. Visit KHOU for more on this story.
Cockfighting in Santa Fe
We’re all familiar with dog fighting, thanks to the recreational escapades of Michael Vick . In Santa Fe, a man is being charged with raising roosters for fighting. It gets stranger. They attach knives to their legs. Be cautious of a man who smells of livestock that keeps a large supply of miniature knives and twine. Something’s not right there. Visit KHOU for more on this story.