December 2nd, 2010

The Procrastinator’s Plan 12.2.10

After a week off for the Thanksgiving Holiday, the Procrastinator is back in full swing as we get ready for the Christmas Holiday. It takes a lot of work to properly procrastinate during the Christmas season, so I’ve got to start my preparations early. While others are decking the halls and rocking around the Christmas tree, I’ll be biding my time until the last second possible to get my Christmas shopping done. Who doesn’t like the malls on Christmas eve? It’s the most wonderful time of year and there’s no better way to spend the night before Christmas than racing around the Galleria and fighting off other last minute shoppers in order get your hands on the only pair of Louboutins in the store.

On a side note, I don’t know what the aforementioned Louboutins are, so that puts me at a decided disadvantage. What I do know is that my girlfriend wants them, which means that they must be expensive. T-Minus 22 days and counting until I turn into Last-Minute Shopping Commando and take the malls by storm.  I’ve got a full preparation routine that includes suiting up like Rambo. Until then, I’ll be stockpiling fruitcakes like a squirrel grabs nuts and doing other fun holiday outings like the offerings in the following Procrastinator’s plan.

Light Bright
The most important thing about the holiday season is getting in the right frame of mind. For a great way to ease yourself into the holiday spirit, check out the 2010 Holiday Home Tour in the Heights. The tours, which are taking place this Friday and Saturday only, will include six distinctive homes in the Heights. Each house will also feature docents on duty. Far from telling you to get your grubby little hands off the paintings and not to stand so close to the displays, they’ll be able to point out the rich history, architecture, distinctive features and decorations of each home.  How pleasant.  I’m feeling the Holiday cheer already.

You Can’t Steal my Holiday Cheer
Nothing says “The Holidays” like drinking games. One of my personal favorites is the Grinch Drinking game. It’s become a Christmas classic at my house and one of the ways I manage to cope with this time of year. With Theater Under the Stars putting on a production of How the Grinch Stole Christmas The Musical at the Hobby Center this year, I won’t even have to rent the movie! How cool is that. I’ll probably have to sneak in more than one flask, but isn’t that why those atrocious Holiday sweaters were invented? If you want to get in on the action, you’ll have to hurry because Sunday marks the last day of the shows run. Check out more info about the show and purchase your tickets at the TUTS website.

Take it Off
Apparently Christina Aguilera’s career is floundering so much that she’s following in Jessie Spano’s footsteps. No, she’s not popping pills, she’s starring in Burlesque, a kind of Coyote Ugly meets Showgirls. Moulin Rouge II, in other words. I don’t know who thought this was a good idea or why they would bankroll this film, but I’ll go see it just in the hopes that they dress Christina up in her genie outfit. Now that would resuscitate her career and be worth the price of admission. Another washed up singer is costarring with her, Cher. I just hope that the director had enough sense to keep the clothes on that one. Seriously, what kind of drugs did they pump into Cher’s corpse to make her look life like on the silver screen? I’m pretty sure that if Keith Richards and Cher had a child, it would be the first vampire to walk the earth. Talk about the undead.

— Marc

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