April 2nd, 2010

The Procrastinator’s Plan 4.2.10

The procrastinator has been doing a fare bit of traveling over the past few weeks and suffice it to say, I’m tired of hearing everyone bashing Houston. Granted, some of it’s been from my coworkers who hail from Dallas, so I’ve taken it with a grain of salt, but I’m getting to the point where if I hear another demeaning comment about my H-Town, I’m going to go ballistic. Oh, and Dallas sucks ass. Besides, didn’t your momma teach you that if you can’t say something nice, you should just shut the [censored] up, [censored]bag?

Anyway, it’s Easter weekend and you know what that means, Paul can finally eat some fast food and get over his crankiness from not getting enough trans fats. I’m all for giving shit up for lent, but if it makes you miserable to be around, is it worth it? You should really ask yourself: WWJD. I think he’d be proud of the sacrifice we all made to put up with you. See, I’m not as bad as a catholic as everyone said. Thanks Paul. Oh, and if your looking for something to put in your sweetheart’s easter basket, try the banana cellphone cover like me. Only the best for my sweetie.

Ticket Scalping at Its Finest
It’s fairly obvious that I get excited for Texas Country bands. Unfortunately, putting this article together isn’t the only thing I put off until the last minute. I took my sweet time to get my tickets to see Reckless Kelly at the Mucky Duck this Friday night and I’m pretty sure I got the last four tickets, but I’ll sell them to the highest bidder. Well, probably not, but you can always call the Mucky Duck to see if they can squeeze you in. Reckless Kelly’s got two shows, a 7:30 and a 9PM show. I stand by my assertion that the Duck offers one of the best live music venues in the city. It’s a unique chance to see the mellower side of the rocking band in the friendly confines of the Mucky Duck. It’s also a great excuse to eat dinner at the Duck and sample a few of the great beers they have on tap. As far as food, I strongly recommend the Mark Portugal, it’s the number one sandwich for a reason.

Give Me Back My Movie
A movie about the most famous Jew in history directed by one of the biggest anti semites. Sounds interesting, right? The Angelika Theater is giving everyone a chance to see Mel Gibson’s masterpiece The Passion of the Christ during a special midnight showing this Saturday. Alright, I guess it’s impossible to top Apocalypto, but everybody loves a good crucifixion story! They’re so uplifting! I know that midnight showings are usually reserved for cult classics like The Rocky Horror Picture Show or Hairspray, but when it comes down to it, aren’t Jesus and Dr. Frank-N-Furter both a symbol of man’s inability to cope with the world in it’s current state? No? Oh well, I guess I’ll go back to changing the world by writing this incredibly insightful plan for all the people who are too lazy to decide what they should do this weekend. This is rewarding work! I figure that when Satan, better known as Joan Rivers,says Mel Gibson “is an anti-Semitic son of a bitch. He should fucking die!” you can’t really argue. So head down to the Angelika and laugh at Mel’s feeble attempt to save his soul.

Grill Up Some Easter Bunny
Put on those crazy hats and head over to Brennan’s of Houston for a tasty Easter brunch. If you’ve got family in town, definitely go with the Texas’ Creole Brunch. It’s a little taste of Houston mixed with Nola, done up as only the folks at Brennan’s could do. While The Loop Scoop hasn’t done a write up of Brennan’s just yet, you can be sure that one is coming shortly. Easter Weekend serves as a great opportunity to welcome a Houston institution back in grand style. Of course, you can’t end a meal at Brennan’s without the Bananas Foster. Anything set on fire tableside is a winner in my book. Maybe we should observe their technique and light Dallas aflame. Seems like a good idea to me.

Basket Case
Why hunt easter eggs when you can hunt oranges? Celebrate an Orange Show tradition and bring the kids to hunt for tasty treats and healthy oranges. You will also enjoy a special performance of tradtional folk dancing from the British Isles with the Men of Houston Morris Dancers. After the hunt, take some time to create one-a-kind mini-folk art monuments at a hands-on Art Car Trophy Making Workshop. The best part is you get to keep the trophy! It’s BYOB- bring your own basket. The event starts at 1PM on Saturday and runs until 4.

— Marc

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